1.
Ted was a young boy who used to spend all of his time playing sports and making music.
He never went on the computer because his parents forbid him from touching any computer because they knew all the bad stuff you could find on the internet.
Nevertheless, Ted was happy and went on without computers until he got to high school.
All his friends were playing video games and having fun and he started to feel a bit left out, so when he got home one day from school, he begged his mother to get him a computer.
“Please mother, please, all my friends are playing computer games!”
He would cry, but his mother continued to deny him.
1 week later the issue rose again in his friends group at school and everyone was confused why Ted couldn’t play video games with him.
After repetitive failure from his mother, he asked his dad.
“Please father, please, all my friends are playing it!” But his father denied him as well.
Ted was really angry and all he wanted to do was play online with his friends every once in a while.
He thought he’d take matters into his own hands and he stole his fathers computer and hid it in his room.
That night he played with his friends for hours and hours until morning, then he secretly stayed home and played all day.
His dad didn’t notice until that afternoon, when he walked into his office and his computer was missing, so he asked his son Ted if he touched it.
Ted owned up and gave the computer back, but had a tantrum afterwards.
“WHY DON’T I GET TO PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS” he yelled in tears.
Feeling pity, his dad finally bought him a laptop.
Ted was on it 10 hours a day and refused when his parents told him to get off.
After 2 months nothing had changed and his parents started to get worried about his well being.
They approached him to talk about it. Ted agreed, but only if he could play video games whilst they talked.
“So Ted” his mother said, “we’ve been worrying about you lately” “uh-hu” Ted said.
“Seriously son!” His father yelled, “this needs to stop!” “Mhm yep” Ted replied.
“Are you listening to us Ted?” His mother said, but Ted didn’t even reply.
“You know what son?” His father yelled, “you are a tool Ted.”
Three guys are sitting around the campfire
I was playing a big game of hide and seek
Ted was a young boy who used to spend all of his time playing sports and making music.
He never went on the computer because his parents forbid him from touching any computer because they knew all the bad stuff you could find on the internet.
Nevertheless, Ted was happy and went on without computers until he got to high school.
All his friends were playing video games and having fun and he started to feel a bit left out, so when he got home one day from school, he begged his mother to get him a computer.
“Please mother, please, all my friends are playing computer games!”
He would cry, but his mother continued to deny him.
1 week later the issue rose again in his friends group at school and everyone was confused why Ted couldn’t play video games with him.
After repetitive failure from his mother, he asked his dad.
“Please father, please, all my friends are playing it!” But his father denied him as well.
Ted was really angry and all he wanted to do was play online with his friends every once in a while.
He thought he’d take matters into his own hands and he stole his fathers computer and hid it in his room.
That night he played with his friends for hours and hours until morning, then he secretly stayed home and played all day.
His dad didn’t notice until that afternoon, when he walked into his office and his computer was missing, so he asked his son Ted if he touched it.
Ted owned up and gave the computer back, but had a tantrum afterwards.
“WHY DON’T I GET TO PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS” he yelled in tears.
Feeling pity, his dad finally bought him a laptop.
Ted was on it 10 hours a day and refused when his parents told him to get off.
After 2 months nothing had changed and his parents started to get worried about his well being.
They approached him to talk about it. Ted agreed, but only if he could play video games whilst they talked.
“So Ted” his mother said, “we’ve been worrying about you lately” “uh-hu” Ted said.
“Seriously son!” His father yelled, “this needs to stop!” “Mhm yep” Ted replied.
“Are you listening to us Ted?” His mother said, but Ted didn’t even reply.
“You know what son?” His father yelled, “you are a tool Ted.”
Three guys are sitting around the campfire
I was playing a big game of hide and seek
2.
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer.” the man began, “I can explain”.
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…”
“But officer, I just wanted to say….”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
A man entered the bus
A teacher asks the kids
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer.” the man began, “I can explain”.
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back…”
“But officer, I just wanted to say….”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
A man entered the bus
A teacher asks the kids
3.
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.
“Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?” he replied.
“And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison.”
Baffled, she said, “yes, I remember. So?”
“Well…I would have gotten out today!”
One day two young brothers in Rome
A man and his wife of more than 50 years
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.
In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.
She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.
“Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?” he replied.
“And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison.”
Baffled, she said, “yes, I remember. So?”
“Well…I would have gotten out today!”
One day two young brothers in Rome
A man and his wife of more than 50 years
4.
Nasreddin Hodja, having need for a large cooking container, borrowed his neighbor’s copper cauldron, then returned it in a timely manner.
“What is this?” asked his neighbor upon examining the returned cauldron.
“There is a small pot inside my cauldron.”
“Oh,” responded the Hodja.
“While it was in my care your cauldron gave birth to a little one because you are the owner of the mother cauldron, it is only right that you should keep its baby and in any event, it would not be right to separate the child from its mother at such a young age.”
The neighbor, thinking that the Hodja had gone quite mad, did not argue.
Whatever had caused the crazy man to come up with this explanation, the neighbor had a nice little pot, and it had cost him nothing.
Some time later the Hodja asked to borrow the cauldron again.
“Why not?” thought the neighbor to himself.
“Perhaps there will be another little pot inside when he returns it.”
But this time the Hodja did not return the cauldron.
After many days had passed, the neighbor went to the Hodja and asked for the return of the borrowed cauldron.
“My dear friend,” replied the Hodja.
“I have bad news
Your cauldron has died, and is now in her grave.”
“What are you saying?” shouted the neighbor a cauldron does not live, and it cannot die return it to me at once!”
“One moment!” answered the Hodja.
“This is the same cauldron that but a short time ago gave birth to a child, a child that is still in your possession if a cauldron can give birth to a child, then it also can die.”
And the neighbor never again saw his cauldron.
A teacher in New York
The best positions for prayer
Nasreddin Hodja, having need for a large cooking container, borrowed his neighbor’s copper cauldron, then returned it in a timely manner.
“What is this?” asked his neighbor upon examining the returned cauldron.
“There is a small pot inside my cauldron.”
“Oh,” responded the Hodja.
“While it was in my care your cauldron gave birth to a little one because you are the owner of the mother cauldron, it is only right that you should keep its baby and in any event, it would not be right to separate the child from its mother at such a young age.”
The neighbor, thinking that the Hodja had gone quite mad, did not argue.
Whatever had caused the crazy man to come up with this explanation, the neighbor had a nice little pot, and it had cost him nothing.
Some time later the Hodja asked to borrow the cauldron again.
“Why not?” thought the neighbor to himself.
“Perhaps there will be another little pot inside when he returns it.”
But this time the Hodja did not return the cauldron.
After many days had passed, the neighbor went to the Hodja and asked for the return of the borrowed cauldron.
“My dear friend,” replied the Hodja.
“I have bad news
Your cauldron has died, and is now in her grave.”
“What are you saying?” shouted the neighbor a cauldron does not live, and it cannot die return it to me at once!”
“One moment!” answered the Hodja.
“This is the same cauldron that but a short time ago gave birth to a child, a child that is still in your possession if a cauldron can give birth to a child, then it also can die.”
And the neighbor never again saw his cauldron.
A teacher in New York
The best positions for prayer
5.
Mr. Dwight was conducting a lecture on the proper use of punctuation marks.
To ensure that his students have effectively learned a thing or two from his lessons, he conducted a brief exercise for them.
He went to the blackboard and wrote, “Woman without her man is useless”.
He called on two students a boy and a girl to place the proper punctuation’s in the given phrase.
To his amusement, the two had different answers.
The boy wrote, “Woman, without her man, is useless”.
Whereas, the girl wrote, “Woman! Without her, man is useless.”
She asks a man standing by
Three rich men were boasting
Mr. Dwight was conducting a lecture on the proper use of punctuation marks.
To ensure that his students have effectively learned a thing or two from his lessons, he conducted a brief exercise for them.
He went to the blackboard and wrote, “Woman without her man is useless”.
He called on two students a boy and a girl to place the proper punctuation’s in the given phrase.
To his amusement, the two had different answers.
The boy wrote, “Woman, without her man, is useless”.
Whereas, the girl wrote, “Woman! Without her, man is useless.”
She asks a man standing by
Three rich men were boasting
6.
A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with the mailman.
Before they notice him, he sneaks back into the hall, finds the mail bag, steams open the letters, inserts coupons from his rug-cleaning business and seals them back up.
“Ha ha ha,” he snickers.
“That lazy mailman who is shirking his duties works for me now!”
Three Brothers Get Married
A man in Scotland calls his son
A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with the mailman.
Before they notice him, he sneaks back into the hall, finds the mail bag, steams open the letters, inserts coupons from his rug-cleaning business and seals them back up.
“Ha ha ha,” he snickers.
“That lazy mailman who is shirking his duties works for me now!”
Three Brothers Get Married
A man in Scotland calls his son
7.
Two men died and went to Heaven.
St. Peter greeted them, and said “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren’t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be.”
“Great!” said the first guy, “I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!”
“No problem,” replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. “And what do you want to be,” St. Peter asked the other guy.
“I’d like to be one cool stud!” was the reply.
“Easy,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. “You’ll find them easily,” he says, “One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!”
A drunk comes stumbling into a bar
A local bar was so sure that its barman
Two men died and went to Heaven.
St. Peter greeted them, and said “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren’t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be.”
“Great!” said the first guy, “I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!”
“No problem,” replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. “And what do you want to be,” St. Peter asked the other guy.
“I’d like to be one cool stud!” was the reply.
“Easy,” replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. “You’ll find them easily,” he says, “One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!”
A drunk comes stumbling into a bar
A local bar was so sure that its barman
8.
A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it’s sitting in the seat next to him.
He thinks it’s unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it’s not a distraction he won’t mention it.
The movie starts and pretty soon there’s a funny part.
The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter.
In a little while there’s a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping.
This continues throughout the film and the man sitting behind the dog is astounded.
When the lights come up he taps the dog’s owner on the shoulder and tells him,
“I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed this movie.”
The dog owner looks at the dog and nods.
“I know, it really is weird,” he says,
“because he absolutely hated the book.”
A pig walks into a bar and orders
A guys walking down the street
A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it’s sitting in the seat next to him.
He thinks it’s unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it’s not a distraction he won’t mention it.
The movie starts and pretty soon there’s a funny part.
The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter.
In a little while there’s a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping.
This continues throughout the film and the man sitting behind the dog is astounded.
When the lights come up he taps the dog’s owner on the shoulder and tells him,
“I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed this movie.”
The dog owner looks at the dog and nods.
“I know, it really is weird,” he says,
“because he absolutely hated the book.”
A pig walks into a bar and orders
A guys walking down the street
9.
There was a village on the outskirts of a forest.
A shepherd boy used to take his herd of sheep across the fields to the lawns near the forest.
One day he felt very boring and wanted to have fun.
So he cried aloud “Wolf, Wolf.
The wolf is carrying away a lamb.”
Farmers working in the fields came running and asked, “Where is the wolf?” The boy laughed and replied “It was just a fun Now get going all of you”.
The boy played the trick for quite a number of times in the next few days.
After some days as the boy was sitting on a tree and singing a song, there came a wolf.
The boy cried loudly “Wolf, Wolf, The wolf is carrying a lamb away.” There was no one to come.
The boy shouted “Help! Wolf!” Still no one came to his help.
The villagers thought that the boy was playing mischief again.
The wolf carried a lamb away and the boy was very sad.
The Englishman & Irishman
A singles bar where he spotted
There was a village on the outskirts of a forest.
A shepherd boy used to take his herd of sheep across the fields to the lawns near the forest.
One day he felt very boring and wanted to have fun.
So he cried aloud “Wolf, Wolf.
The wolf is carrying away a lamb.”
Farmers working in the fields came running and asked, “Where is the wolf?” The boy laughed and replied “It was just a fun Now get going all of you”.
The boy played the trick for quite a number of times in the next few days.
After some days as the boy was sitting on a tree and singing a song, there came a wolf.
The boy cried loudly “Wolf, Wolf, The wolf is carrying a lamb away.” There was no one to come.
The boy shouted “Help! Wolf!” Still no one came to his help.
The villagers thought that the boy was playing mischief again.
The wolf carried a lamb away and the boy was very sad.
The Englishman & Irishman
A singles bar where he spotted
10.
Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school.
She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.
“Who is the creator of the universe?”
Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up.
Josey jumped and yelled, “God almighty!”
The teacher congratulated her.
A little later the teacher asked her another question, “Tell me who is our lord and savior?”
Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, “Jesus Christ!”
The teacher congratulated her again.
Later on the teacher asked, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?”
Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, “If you stick that thing in me again, I’ll snap it in half and stick it up your bum!”
A very attractive nun
The employer asked the candidate
Josey wasn’t the best pupil at Sunday school.
She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.
“Who is the creator of the universe?”
Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up.
Josey jumped and yelled, “God almighty!”
The teacher congratulated her.
A little later the teacher asked her another question, “Tell me who is our lord and savior?”
Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, “Jesus Christ!”
The teacher congratulated her again.
Later on the teacher asked, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?”
Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, “If you stick that thing in me again, I’ll snap it in half and stick it up your bum!”
A very attractive nun
The employer asked the candidate
11.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants make love, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was queer, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
Dylan was practicing his golf swing
A affair with his secretary
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants make love, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was queer, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
Dylan was practicing his golf swing
A affair with his secretary
12.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.
One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said,
“The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!”
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying,
“And that woman was my mother!”
The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he’d give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon.
As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head
It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly,
“The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!”
The congregation inhaled half the air in the room.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke.
The pastor finally blurted out, “and I can’t remember who she was!”
He knocked on the door of one house
A man asked his doctor
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.
One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said,
“The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!”
The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying,
“And that woman was my mother!”
The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he’d give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon.
As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head
It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly,
“The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!”
The congregation inhaled half the air in the room.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke.
The pastor finally blurted out, “and I can’t remember who she was!”
He knocked on the door of one house
A man asked his doctor
13.
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said,
“I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man,
“is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said,
“As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out,
“Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” He asked,
“I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
Two old women are discussing
The doctor said to the elderly man
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said,
“I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man,
“is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yes,” she said,
“As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.”
“Sure,” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out,
“Goodbye, Mother!”
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
“How can that be?” He asked,
“I only purchased a few things!”
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.
Two old women are discussing
The doctor said to the elderly man
14.
A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital.
This was what they said: The Allergists could barely breathe for the shock.
The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves be made.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole thing was deluded.
The Radiologists could see right through it.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it being a bad idea;
The whole thing gave them a stomach ache.
The Neurologists thought the administration had a big brain idea.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted but rectifiable.
The Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body.” while hiding behind a patient.
The Pediatricians said, “Grow up!”, then held their breath until blue.
The Plastic Surgeons said this was a stretch.
The Podiatrists were afraid it was the wrong step.
The Urologists felt they were pissing away money.
The Anesthesiologists thought it was a pipe dream.
The Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no… And the Surgeons weren’t even allowed to cut.
A newly married Liam
Three women were sitting in a bar
A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital.
This was what they said: The Allergists could barely breathe for the shock.
The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves be made.
The Psychiatrists thought the whole thing was deluded.
The Radiologists could see right through it.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it being a bad idea;
The whole thing gave them a stomach ache.
The Neurologists thought the administration had a big brain idea.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted but rectifiable.
The Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body.” while hiding behind a patient.
The Pediatricians said, “Grow up!”, then held their breath until blue.
The Plastic Surgeons said this was a stretch.
The Podiatrists were afraid it was the wrong step.
The Urologists felt they were pissing away money.
The Anesthesiologists thought it was a pipe dream.
The Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no… And the Surgeons weren’t even allowed to cut.
A newly married Liam
Three women were sitting in a bar
15.
An 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently:
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” One of them asked.
“Not yet.” Said the mother.
“I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Another half-hour passed before another relative asked.
“May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked.
“May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked.
“Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When it cries.” She told them.
“When it cries?” They gasped.
“Why do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because I forgot where I put it.”
The man calls the manager and says
The first day of their Honeymoon
An 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently:
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” One of them asked.
“Not yet.” Said the mother.
“I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Another half-hour passed before another relative asked.
“May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked.
“May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked.
“Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When it cries.” She told them.
“When it cries?” They gasped.
“Why do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because I forgot where I put it.”
The man calls the manager and says
The first day of their Honeymoon
16.
A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, “May I help you sir?
The man says, “Yes, I’m in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out of the window.”
The desk clerk says, “I’m sorry sir, but that’s a personal matter.”
The man replies, “Listen, you idiot.
The window won’t open and that’s clearly a maintenance issue.
Frank was excited about his new rifle
The madam opened the brothel door
A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, “May I help you sir?
The man says, “Yes, I’m in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out of the window.”
The desk clerk says, “I’m sorry sir, but that’s a personal matter.”
The man replies, “Listen, you idiot.
The window won’t open and that’s clearly a maintenance issue.
Frank was excited about his new rifle
The madam opened the brothel door
17.
Two women are walking home from the bar when they both feel the need to pee, so they slip into a nearby cemetery.
One of them uses her underwear to wipe, while the other grabs a wreath off a headstone.
The next evening, the husbands meet at the bar.
One looks at the other and says, “I think I need to keep an eye on my wife—she came home without her underwear last night.”
The other husband responds, “Well, mine came home with a card wedged in her bum that said, ‘You were loved and will be missed by the entire fire department.’”
Three guys go to a ski lodge
A watermelon farmer was determined
Two women are walking home from the bar when they both feel the need to pee, so they slip into a nearby cemetery.
One of them uses her underwear to wipe, while the other grabs a wreath off a headstone.
The next evening, the husbands meet at the bar.
One looks at the other and says, “I think I need to keep an eye on my wife—she came home without her underwear last night.”
The other husband responds, “Well, mine came home with a card wedged in her bum that said, ‘You were loved and will be missed by the entire fire department.’”
Three guys go to a ski lodge
A watermelon farmer was determined
18.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.”
“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.”
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
A husband and a wife sit at the table
A old man and his wife are in bed
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.”
“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.”
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
A husband and a wife sit at the table
A old man and his wife are in bed
19.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?”
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
“Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
“No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded.
“That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered.
“The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”
The patient ask to doctor
A lawyer a stop over by a Scottish police officer
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?”
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
“Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
“No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.”
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded.
“That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered.
“The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”
The patient ask to doctor
A lawyer a stop over by a Scottish police officer
20.
A young farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor there.
Girl: “My father isn’t home, but I know what you want and I can help you.
You want our bull to service your cow.
Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull.”
Neighbor: “That’s not I want.”
Girl: “We have a young bull who is just starting out.
My father charges fifty dollars for him.”
Neighbor: “That’s not I want.”
Girl: “We have an old bull out in the pasture.
He can still do a job.
My father charges only ten dollars for him.”
Neighbor: “That’s not what I want.
I came here to see your father about your brother.
Your brother Elmer made my daughter pregnant.”
Girl: “Oh. You’ll have to see my father about that because I don’t know what he charges for Elmer.”
The doctor and his wife were playing golf
Sophie and Shirley two elderly widows
A young farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbor there.
Girl: “My father isn’t home, but I know what you want and I can help you.
You want our bull to service your cow.
Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull.”
Neighbor: “That’s not I want.”
Girl: “We have a young bull who is just starting out.
My father charges fifty dollars for him.”
Neighbor: “That’s not I want.”
Girl: “We have an old bull out in the pasture.
He can still do a job.
My father charges only ten dollars for him.”
Neighbor: “That’s not what I want.
I came here to see your father about your brother.
Your brother Elmer made my daughter pregnant.”
Girl: “Oh. You’ll have to see my father about that because I don’t know what he charges for Elmer.”
The doctor and his wife were playing golf
Sophie and Shirley two elderly widows
21.
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor.
Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher.
Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!
She turns to him, invitingly… they kiss…and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it for you?”
The guy yawns: “Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day
A little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor.
Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher.
Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that’s so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!
She turns to him, invitingly… they kiss…and then they rip each other’s clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After she has this intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how was it for you?”
The guy yawns: “Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day
A little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug
22.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim undressed or make you get out of the pond undressed.’
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator…’
An all the girls ran out of the water undressed and the old man just watched.
Some old men can still think fast.
The story goes that some time ago
Once upon a time an old man
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim undressed or make you get out of the pond undressed.’
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator…’
An all the girls ran out of the water undressed and the old man just watched.
Some old men can still think fast.
The story goes that some time ago
Once upon a time an old man
23.
On New Year’s Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living.
As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
They were stopped by the police
The Social Security Office
On New Year’s Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living.
As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
They were stopped by the police
The Social Security Office
24.
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach however, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later the old man Abe turns to his wife and asks,
“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“OK, no! I’m sorry I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther did you remember to send a check for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abe,” begged Esther.
“I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you kiss me?”
Abe answers, “They’ll find us.”
Ray came home one night
A man went to his father
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach however, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later the old man Abe turns to his wife and asks,
“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“OK, no! I’m sorry I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther did you remember to send a check for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abe,” begged Esther.
“I didn’t send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you kiss me?”
Abe answers, “They’ll find us.”
Ray came home one night
A man went to his father
25.
A German guy lets his wife travel to Paris alone.
His wife has a conference in paris and he gives her a ride to the airport, as he’s dropping her off..
she says: “thanks honey, is there anything I can bring back for you?”
He replies: “yes, how about an Italian girl,a beautiful one…LOL”
3 days later..
When the husband picks her up from airport.. he says: “how was your trip honey?”
She replies: “Oh, my trip was fantastic”
He says: “And what about my present,my Italian girl?”
She replies: “oh,wait for nine months….”
A man is having dinner with his new girlfriend’s family
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime
A German guy lets his wife travel to Paris alone.
His wife has a conference in paris and he gives her a ride to the airport, as he’s dropping her off..
she says: “thanks honey, is there anything I can bring back for you?”
He replies: “yes, how about an Italian girl,a beautiful one…LOL”
3 days later..
When the husband picks her up from airport.. he says: “how was your trip honey?”
She replies: “Oh, my trip was fantastic”
He says: “And what about my present,my Italian girl?”
She replies: “oh,wait for nine months….”
A man is having dinner with his new girlfriend’s family
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime
26.
A cab driver picked up a nun.
She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her.
She asked him why he was staring.
He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answered, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded.
The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a call girl blush.
But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
A young blonde with a coach ticket
A male patient was lying in bed
A cab driver picked up a nun.
She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her.
She asked him why he was staring.
He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answered, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded.
The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a call girl blush.
But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
A young blonde with a coach ticket
A male patient was lying in bed
27.
A family enters a large store.
After browsing for several moments they purchase some goods and head for the large counter at the front of the store.
They notice a robotic seal standing in a corner situated near the counter.
It is dressed in a tuxedo and each time goods are packaged the seal nods as if in agreement.
After the third purchase is made the father asks the counter assistant why the robot nods each time.
The assistant replies, “Isn’t it obvious? It’s our seal of approval.”
The husband was falling asleep
Two kids are talking to each other
A family enters a large store.
After browsing for several moments they purchase some goods and head for the large counter at the front of the store.
They notice a robotic seal standing in a corner situated near the counter.
It is dressed in a tuxedo and each time goods are packaged the seal nods as if in agreement.
After the third purchase is made the father asks the counter assistant why the robot nods each time.
The assistant replies, “Isn’t it obvious? It’s our seal of approval.”
The husband was falling asleep
Two kids are talking to each other
28.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Alberta we settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up you can have the duck.”
She was a friendly-looking young woman
Akbar & Birbal
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Alberta we settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up you can have the duck.”
She was a friendly-looking young woman
Akbar & Birbal
29.
The wife served breakfast to the Husband.
Along with that, she gave me a tablet also and said:
“Take this Paracetamol after breakfast.”
Husband: “Why? I don’t have a fever.”
Wife: “OK, then take this Digene.”
Husband: “Come on ! I don’t have even gastric trouble.”
Wife: “OK, take at least Pudeen Hara You will have an immediate relief.”
Husband: “My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK.”
Wife: “Oh, but you must take at least Combiflame Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time.”
Husband: “Are you crazy? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic.”
Wife: “Ve….ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.”
A husband and wife talking
Three elderly men are at the doctor
The wife served breakfast to the Husband.
Along with that, she gave me a tablet also and said:
“Take this Paracetamol after breakfast.”
Husband: “Why? I don’t have a fever.”
Wife: “OK, then take this Digene.”
Husband: “Come on ! I don’t have even gastric trouble.”
Wife: “OK, take at least Pudeen Hara You will have an immediate relief.”
Husband: “My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK.”
Wife: “Oh, but you must take at least Combiflame Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time.”
Husband: “Are you crazy? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic.”
Wife: “Ve….ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.”
A husband and wife talking
Three elderly men are at the doctor
30.
An 82-year-old husband and 80-year wife went to breakfast at a restaurant,
Where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
‘Sounds good,’ the wife said.
‘But I don’t want the eggs.’ Said the old husband.
‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her.
‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ wife asked incredulously.
‘YES!’ stated the waitress.
‘I’ll take the special then,’ wife said…
‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.
‘Raw and in the shell,’ the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
A couple is dressed and ready
A rich tycoon and his wife are having dinner
An 82-year-old husband and 80-year wife went to breakfast at a restaurant,
Where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
‘Sounds good,’ the wife said.
‘But I don’t want the eggs.’ Said the old husband.
‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her.
‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ wife asked incredulously.
‘YES!’ stated the waitress.
‘I’ll take the special then,’ wife said…
‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.
‘Raw and in the shell,’ the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
A couple is dressed and ready
A rich tycoon and his wife are having dinner
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