1.
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.”
She then asked Little Johnny what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Little Johnny thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”
Jane was waiting for Sam to return from an outing
A couple of years ago, one night
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.
She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.”
She then asked Little Johnny what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Little Johnny thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”
Jane was waiting for Sam to return from an outing
A couple of years ago, one night
2.
Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.
Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.
After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.
Dylan asked, “Who are you?”
The fat man replied, “I am a genie you have freed from that lamp.”
Dylan questioned, “Oh man, do I get three wishes?”
The genie replied, “Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one.”
Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, “I want to be the best golfer ever.”
The surprised genie said, “You sure?
Most people wish for money, but okay.
Now your wife gets one wish.”
Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, “I want a million dollars every week of my life.”
The genie said, “Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan.”
Dylan said, “No way!”
The genie replied, “Not even for a million dollars a week?”
Dylan turned to his wife, who said, “I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves.”
Dylan said, “Okay, have fun, I guess,” and left.
Dylan’s wife then proceeded to have wild make love for the rest of the day with the genie.
When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was.
She said, “Forty-five.”
The Genie laughed and said, “Isn’t he a little old to be believing in genies?”
Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner
They each go into the woods find a bear
Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.
Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times.
After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.
Dylan asked, “Who are you?”
The fat man replied, “I am a genie you have freed from that lamp.”
Dylan questioned, “Oh man, do I get three wishes?”
The genie replied, “Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one.”
Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, “I want to be the best golfer ever.”
The surprised genie said, “You sure?
Most people wish for money, but okay.
Now your wife gets one wish.”
Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, “I want a million dollars every week of my life.”
The genie said, “Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I’ve been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan.”
Dylan said, “No way!”
The genie replied, “Not even for a million dollars a week?”
Dylan turned to his wife, who said, “I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves.”
Dylan said, “Okay, have fun, I guess,” and left.
Dylan’s wife then proceeded to have wild make love for the rest of the day with the genie.
When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was.
She said, “Forty-five.”
The Genie laughed and said, “Isn’t he a little old to be believing in genies?”
Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner
They each go into the woods find a bear
3.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”
He walked into the kitchen
Lisa came up behind her husband
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”
He walked into the kitchen
Lisa came up behind her husband
4.
A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”
She says, “No, I dyed my hair. I’m naturally blonde.”
“I thought so,” he says.
“Your finger is broken.”
A boss said to his secretary
A blind guy on a bar stool
A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”
She says, “No, I dyed my hair. I’m naturally blonde.”
“I thought so,” he says.
“Your finger is broken.”
A boss said to his secretary
A blind guy on a bar stool
5.
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello?”
Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”
Man: “Yes.”
Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900
Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”
Man: “How much?”
Woman: “80.000.”
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”
Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”
Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
Man: “Love you too, bye!”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar
I left three envelopes in your desk
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: “Hello?”
Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”
Man: “Yes.”
Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900
Is it okay if I buy it?”
Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”
Man: “How much?”
Woman: “80.000.”
Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”
Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”
Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”
Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”
Man: “Love you too, bye!”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
A Blonde Guy walks into a bar
I left three envelopes in your desk
6.
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder in the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said.
“My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they come.”
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he’d done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. “Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
“I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.”
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he spluttered.
“On the contrary,” the man said,” he’s done me a world of good.”
“But you just threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed.
“Yes” the man said. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore!”
A guy walked into a bar and asked
Two elderly women were trying on shoes
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder in the bartender’s face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
“I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem.
“I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said.
“My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they come.”
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he’d done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. “Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.
“I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.”
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he spluttered.
“On the contrary,” the man said,” he’s done me a world of good.”
“But you just threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed.
“Yes” the man said. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore!”
A guy walked into a bar and asked
Two elderly women were trying on shoes
7.
An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”
“Yes, says Sam. “I saw him do it.”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”
Sam says, “I can see the moon. How far is that?”
A horrible sunburn all over his body
There are three girls at a bar
An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”
“Yes, says Sam. “I saw him do it.”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”
Sam says, “I can see the moon. How far is that?”
A horrible sunburn all over his body
There are three girls at a bar
8.
A State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”
He turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies two in the front seat and three in the back looking absolutely terrified, eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The lady driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked.
“No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… 22 miles an hour!” the old woman says proudly.
The Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in the car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
A young man came from the parking
When I was interned in Dr Eiras Hospital
A State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”
He turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies two in the front seat and three in the back looking absolutely terrified, eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The lady driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked.
“No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… 22 miles an hour!” the old woman says proudly.
The Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in the car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
A young man came from the parking
When I was interned in Dr Eiras Hospital
9.
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary lesson by asking the students to use a word in a sentence.
“Okay, class,” she announced, “who can use the word ‘fascinate’ properly in a sentence?”
Mary shot her hand up and, before Mrs. Jennings could call on her, she said “I went to Alaska over spring break and it was fascinating!”
Mrs. Jennings replied, “that’s good Mary, but I asked for the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating.’”
Billy threw his hand up next: “My Dad want to see the museum and was fascinated by the paintings!”
Mrs. Jennings again corrected her student: “That’s also good, but remember the word is ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinated.’”
Finally, Carol waved her hand wildly from the back row: “My aunt just bought a new shirt with ten buttons.
She tried to put it on, but her boobs are too big, so she could only fasten eight.”
Thai woman marries American man
Three guys were walking through
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary lesson by asking the students to use a word in a sentence.
“Okay, class,” she announced, “who can use the word ‘fascinate’ properly in a sentence?”
Mary shot her hand up and, before Mrs. Jennings could call on her, she said “I went to Alaska over spring break and it was fascinating!”
Mrs. Jennings replied, “that’s good Mary, but I asked for the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating.’”
Billy threw his hand up next: “My Dad want to see the museum and was fascinated by the paintings!”
Mrs. Jennings again corrected her student: “That’s also good, but remember the word is ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinated.’”
Finally, Carol waved her hand wildly from the back row: “My aunt just bought a new shirt with ten buttons.
She tried to put it on, but her boobs are too big, so she could only fasten eight.”
Thai woman marries American man
Three guys were walking through
10.
Little kids want to help you cross the street even if you’re just walking along the sidewalk.
Your senior citizen’s ID whips up discounts in many products and services.
In a hostage situation you are most likely to be released first.
Dumb blondes ask you if you were in the Vietnam War.
Getting a little action means your wife remembered who you are.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Getting luckier means not forgetting your keys in your car.
When you spend hours trying to find something you don’t even remember.
What used to be happy hour is now known as sleepy hour.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
Loud noises annoy you.
You eat your dinner at 5:30 in the afternoon.
8:00 PM is nap time.
People can’t tell you to act your age because to do so mean you’ll die.
A man was driving down highway
Mary and her five-year old son
Little kids want to help you cross the street even if you’re just walking along the sidewalk.
Your senior citizen’s ID whips up discounts in many products and services.
In a hostage situation you are most likely to be released first.
Dumb blondes ask you if you were in the Vietnam War.
Getting a little action means your wife remembered who you are.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Getting luckier means not forgetting your keys in your car.
When you spend hours trying to find something you don’t even remember.
What used to be happy hour is now known as sleepy hour.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
Loud noises annoy you.
You eat your dinner at 5:30 in the afternoon.
8:00 PM is nap time.
People can’t tell you to act your age because to do so mean you’ll die.
A man was driving down highway
Mary and her five-year old son
11.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says. “But I didn’t have to go all the way around the back.
There was a box near the front door that said ‘For the Sick.'”
Little Pianist
A 97-Year-Old Man Comes To His Doctor
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.
Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
“Yes,” the girl says. “But I didn’t have to go all the way around the back.
There was a box near the front door that said ‘For the Sick.'”
Little Pianist
A 97-Year-Old Man Comes To His Doctor
12.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
Two guys are walking through a game park
One drunk says to the other
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
Two guys are walking through a game park
One drunk says to the other
13.
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
14.
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.
He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,
“This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards.
What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said, “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”
“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”
She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
Two men were working at the sawmill
Three men are traveling on a ship
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.
He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,
“This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards.
What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said, “Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”
“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”
She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
Two men were working at the sawmill
Three men are traveling on a ship
15.
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.
The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that Ask me again some other time.”
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I’ll be DAMNED if I get stuck with a $80,000 mortgage!”
Fred and Mary got married
Two women go out one night
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.
The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that Ask me again some other time.”
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I’ll be DAMNED if I get stuck with a $80,000 mortgage!”
Fred and Mary got married
Two women go out one night
16.
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
She asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”
Again, the answer was, “NO!”
Now she was smiling. Hey, they’re getting it, she thought!
“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?” she asked.
Again, they all answered, “NO!”
She was just bursting with pride for them.
“Well,” she continued,
“then how can I get into Heaven?”
A five-year-old little Johnny shouted out,
“YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.”
He was a widower and she was a widow
A man was sick and tired
A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
She asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”
Again, the answer was, “NO!”
Now she was smiling. Hey, they’re getting it, she thought!
“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?” she asked.
Again, they all answered, “NO!”
She was just bursting with pride for them.
“Well,” she continued,
“then how can I get into Heaven?”
A five-year-old little Johnny shouted out,
“YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.”
He was a widower and she was a widow
A man was sick and tired
17.
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.
He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited.
He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a pure and wants to stay that way.
“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a bl**job?”
“Yuck!” she screams.
“I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a ha**job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says.
“What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“Take your thumb off the end!!”
The ticket girl said
A guy comes home completely drunk
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.
He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited.
He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a pure and wants to stay that way.
“Well, okay,” he says, “how about a bl**job?”
“Yuck!” she screams.
“I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a ha**job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says.
“What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“Take your thumb off the end!!”
The ticket girl said
A guy comes home completely drunk
18.
After many years of bachelorhood, this older gent finds and marries a beautiful young lady.
On their honeymoon night, she slips into a sheer negligee and a comfortable bed as he goes into the bathroom to prepare himself for glory.
Five minutes go by. Ten minutes go by.
Concerned, the bride goes into the bathroom, where she finds her aged husband furiously mstrbting.
She smiles and says, “You’re married now. You don’t have to do that anymore.”
Her husband looks at her a bit bewildered and says, “Oh, I forgot.
A 91-year-old lady comes to the dentist’s office
A boy who was a witness to a crime
After many years of bachelorhood, this older gent finds and marries a beautiful young lady.
On their honeymoon night, she slips into a sheer negligee and a comfortable bed as he goes into the bathroom to prepare himself for glory.
Five minutes go by. Ten minutes go by.
Concerned, the bride goes into the bathroom, where she finds her aged husband furiously mstrbting.
She smiles and says, “You’re married now. You don’t have to do that anymore.”
Her husband looks at her a bit bewildered and says, “Oh, I forgot.
A 91-year-old lady comes to the dentist’s office
A boy who was a witness to a crime
19.
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second guy smiles and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer
Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it
It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the guy replied.
“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
A Irishman walks into a bar
Three Kids Are Arguing About
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second guy smiles and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer
Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it
It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the guy replied.
“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
A Irishman walks into a bar
Three Kids Are Arguing About
20.
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet
‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day …… And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost 5 pounds.’
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
‘Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’
The Irishman nodded ‘I’ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.’
From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.
‘No, from all the bloody skipping !!
The crate of chicken’s
A couple stays at the Watergate Hotel
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet
‘I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days, then skip a day …… And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost 5 pounds.’
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!
‘Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?’
The Irishman nodded ‘I’ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.’
From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.
‘No, from all the bloody skipping !!
The crate of chicken’s
A couple stays at the Watergate Hotel
21.
A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, “Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?”
His customer answers in a slurred voice, “My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my weapon.”
“Oh come on,” replies the bartender.
The customer then says, “If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you.”
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says, “Why this is just a cigar”.
The customer looks puzzled and says, “I have it here somewhere” and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says, “See that”.
The bartender again inspects it closely and says, “You idiot, that’s just another cigar.”
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself, leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says, “Oh no, I must have smoked it!”
A man and woman were discussing
A English teacher spent a lot of time
A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, “Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?”
His customer answers in a slurred voice, “My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my weapon.”
“Oh come on,” replies the bartender.
The customer then says, “If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you.”
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says, “Why this is just a cigar”.
The customer looks puzzled and says, “I have it here somewhere” and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says, “See that”.
The bartender again inspects it closely and says, “You idiot, that’s just another cigar.”
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself, leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says, “Oh no, I must have smoked it!”
A man and woman were discussing
A English teacher spent a lot of time
22.
A 5-year-old son Little Johnny after reading the story of a king.
Johnny: Mom, I also want 3 wives. one will cook, one will sing, and one will bathe me.
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep
Johnny:..No mom, I will still sleep with you…Mom’s eyes filled up with tears God bless you, son.
Mom:…but who will sleep with your 3 wives.
Johnny: Let them sleep with daddy…
Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears… God bless you, son!
Johnny decided to ask his dad
Frank and Jim are walking down
A 5-year-old son Little Johnny after reading the story of a king.
Johnny: Mom, I also want 3 wives. one will cook, one will sing, and one will bathe me.
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep
Johnny:..No mom, I will still sleep with you…Mom’s eyes filled up with tears God bless you, son.
Mom:…but who will sleep with your 3 wives.
Johnny: Let them sleep with daddy…
Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears… God bless you, son!
Johnny decided to ask his dad
Frank and Jim are walking down
23.
She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.
“I’m looking to take out a personal loan of $5000,” the frog said.
The loan officer stared at him skeptically. “Do you have anything to offer as collateral?”
The frog dug around in his pockets, and after a moment he produced a small, badly misshapen clay statue.
“What on Earth is that?” The loan officer asked.
“It’s just a trinket. I don’t have much to offer as collateral, I live in a swamp you see. But I swear I’m good for it!”
The loan officer crossed her arms. “Is it valuable? The bank is not a charity, sir!”
At this, the frog burst into tears. “Please! I’m desperate! My wife is pregnant with our 4000th-8000th kids, and things are tight! Can’t you help me???”
Hearing the commotion, the bank manager came over and asked what the trouble was.
The loan officer explained: “This frog wants a $5000 dollar loan, and all he’s offering for collateral is this little… thing. I don’t even know what this is supposed to be!”
The manager looked at the clay statue, threw his hands up and said,
“It’s a knock-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
Big People Words
A big city lawyer went duck hunting
She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.
“I’m looking to take out a personal loan of $5000,” the frog said.
The loan officer stared at him skeptically. “Do you have anything to offer as collateral?”
The frog dug around in his pockets, and after a moment he produced a small, badly misshapen clay statue.
“What on Earth is that?” The loan officer asked.
“It’s just a trinket. I don’t have much to offer as collateral, I live in a swamp you see. But I swear I’m good for it!”
The loan officer crossed her arms. “Is it valuable? The bank is not a charity, sir!”
At this, the frog burst into tears. “Please! I’m desperate! My wife is pregnant with our 4000th-8000th kids, and things are tight! Can’t you help me???”
Hearing the commotion, the bank manager came over and asked what the trouble was.
The loan officer explained: “This frog wants a $5000 dollar loan, and all he’s offering for collateral is this little… thing. I don’t even know what this is supposed to be!”
The manager looked at the clay statue, threw his hands up and said,
“It’s a knock-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
Big People Words
A big city lawyer went duck hunting
24.
There are two polite people having dinner together in a restaurant.
On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.
They politely say to each other, “You may choose first.”
“No, you may choose first.”
And this goes on for a while.
Then the first person says, “OK, I’ll take first.”
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person, “Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!”
The first person says, “Which piece would *you* have taken?”
The second person replies, “Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course.”
The first person says, “Well, that’s what you have now!”
Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers
A 15 year old Little Johnny comes home
There are two polite people having dinner together in a restaurant.
On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.
They politely say to each other, “You may choose first.”
“No, you may choose first.”
And this goes on for a while.
Then the first person says, “OK, I’ll take first.”
And he takes the BIG piece of fish.
The second person, “Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!”
The first person says, “Which piece would *you* have taken?”
The second person replies, “Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course.”
The first person says, “Well, that’s what you have now!”
Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers
A 15 year old Little Johnny comes home
25.
A young man was getting ready to graduate college.
For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.
Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study.
His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him.
He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible.
Angrily,he raised his voice at his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Bible?” and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business.
He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him.
He had not seen him since that graduation day before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son.
He needed to come home immediately and take care things.
When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart.
He began to search his father’s important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago.
With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages as he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words…PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God’s blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
A little girl raised her hand
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse
A young man was getting ready to graduate college.
For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car.
Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study.
His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him.
He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible.
Angrily,he raised his voice at his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Bible?” and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business.
He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him.
He had not seen him since that graduation day before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son.
He needed to come home immediately and take care things.
When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart.
He began to search his father’s important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago.
With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages as he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired.
On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words…PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God’s blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
A little girl raised her hand
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse
26.
A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”
The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.”
The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?”
The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.”
A mother comes home from work
A man and a woman are sleeping
A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?”
The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.”
The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?”
The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.”
A mother comes home from work
A man and a woman are sleeping
27.
A very elderly couple were having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leaned forward and said softly to his wife: “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.
Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed: “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man was very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asked:
“Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again, the old woman dropped her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she said: “You.”
A Indian boy goes to his mother
A husband said to his wife
A very elderly couple were having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leaned forward and said softly to his wife: “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.
Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed: “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man was very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asked:
“Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again, the old woman dropped her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she said: “You.”
A Indian boy goes to his mother
A husband said to his wife
28.
A security guard has a dream that the jet plane his boss is supposed to take the next day is going to crash
When he wakes up, he calls his boss at home and tells him.
His boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane.
The next day, the plane crashes.
The boss calls the security guard to his office and gives him a reward and then fires him.
He asks his boss why he’s being let go.
The boss replies, “You were sleeping on the job.”
Supermarket Mother
A man goes inside a pet shop
A security guard has a dream that the jet plane his boss is supposed to take the next day is going to crash
When he wakes up, he calls his boss at home and tells him.
His boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane.
The next day, the plane crashes.
The boss calls the security guard to his office and gives him a reward and then fires him.
He asks his boss why he’s being let go.
The boss replies, “You were sleeping on the job.”
Supermarket Mother
A man goes inside a pet shop
29.
Thai woman marries American man but she cannot speak English and he almost cannot speak Thai.
Somehow they make arrangement she will join English speaking class which is known for being highly effective for Thai people.
The very next day the Thai wife is sitting at home after her first class.
The American husband walks in and suddenly his wife says without an accent:
Hi, darling! Welcome home.
Hi, sweetheart! Oh, that’s a miracle! I am really glad you can now speak English! I did not expect you would learn it so fast!
Yes, I am really happy too. How was your day, darling?
Well, I am really tired!
Okay… Rest in peace!
A woman goes into a toy shop
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary
Thai woman marries American man but she cannot speak English and he almost cannot speak Thai.
Somehow they make arrangement she will join English speaking class which is known for being highly effective for Thai people.
The very next day the Thai wife is sitting at home after her first class.
The American husband walks in and suddenly his wife says without an accent:
Hi, darling! Welcome home.
Hi, sweetheart! Oh, that’s a miracle! I am really glad you can now speak English! I did not expect you would learn it so fast!
Yes, I am really happy too. How was your day, darling?
Well, I am really tired!
Okay… Rest in peace!
A woman goes into a toy shop
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary
30.
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice.
“Hi Sweetheart, its john, I’m on the Train”
“Yes, I know it’s Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting”
“No, honey, I was not with Cathy from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting”
“No Sweetheart,
You’re the only one in My life”
“Yes, I’m sure dear”.
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
“John darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”
That was the last time john used his cell phone in Public.
A elderly couple was celebrating their anniversary
A man and his wife were awakened
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice.
“Hi Sweetheart, its john, I’m on the Train”
“Yes, I know it’s Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting”
“No, honey, I was not with Cathy from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting”
“No Sweetheart,
You’re the only one in My life”
“Yes, I’m sure dear”.
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
“John darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”
That was the last time john used his cell phone in Public.
A elderly couple was celebrating their anniversary
A man and his wife were awakened
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