1.
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m
2.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
3.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
4.
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
5.
Jim and Edna are both mental patients.One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air.Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes
Jim and Edna are both mental patients.One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air.Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes
6.
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
A naturopathic doctor opens up a wellness clinicHe puts a sign outside that says ‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100.'A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
7.
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
A teacher is writing on board and suddenly students laughsTeacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your corset.”Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”Boy 2: “I saw your cors
8.
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
“I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”The old rancher says, “Okay, but don't go in that field over there.”The agent verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”Reaching into his rear pant p
9.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
10.
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.He had the manager try them on.She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead.When the g
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.He had the manager try them on.She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead.When the g
11.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
12.
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstoreJacob suggests that they go inHe addresses the man behind the counter:“Are you the owner?” T
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstoreJacob suggests that they go inHe addresses the man behind the counter:“Are you the owner?” T
13.
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
14.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
15.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
16.
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said;“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to knowIn all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said;“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to knowIn all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to
17.
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
18.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.“Yes Dad, what is it?”“Don't be nervous, son; do your
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.“Yes Dad, what is it?”“Don't be nervous, son; do your
19.
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced,“A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000.If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”There was a moment's silence,and then from the bac
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced,“A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000.If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000.”There was a moment's silence,and then from the bac
20.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
21.
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
22.
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
23.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
24.
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow I have never seen you play this well before!’ ‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
25.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded.
“Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manage
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded.
“Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manage
26.
Two factory workers are talking.The woman said, “I know how to get some time off from work!”“How?” asked the man.“Watch this,” said the woman.She climbed up to the rafter and hanged upside down.The boss walked in, saw her and said, “What on earth are you
Two factory workers are talking.The woman said, “I know how to get some time off from work!”“How?” asked the man.“Watch this,” said the woman.She climbed up to the rafter and hanged upside down.The boss walked in, saw her and said, “What on earth are you
27.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
28.
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them,
“What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?”
The first kid raises his hand and says,
“I heard the cow go moo!”
The second kid raises his hand and say
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them,
“What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?”
The first kid raises his hand and says,
“I heard the cow go moo!”
The second kid raises his hand and say
29.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
30.
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?
And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I
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