1.
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
2.
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
3.
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
4.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
5.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
6.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
7.
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
8.
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
9.
One day a beggar knocked at the door of a house, and when a woman opened the door, asked her for alms.“I've nothing to give you,” said the woman“Please go!”The woman, who was newly married, lived with her mother-in-lawWhen her mother-in-law heard her refu
One day a beggar knocked at the door of a house, and when a woman opened the door, asked her for alms.“I've nothing to give you,” said the woman“Please go!”The woman, who was newly married, lived with her mother-in-lawWhen her mother-in-law heard her refu
10.
James was infatuated with her and knew she wasn't being satisfied by ole crusty.He was caught staring at her longingly more than once and she seemed flattered more than offended so this just reinforced that she was needing something more.One night he drop
James was infatuated with her and knew she wasn't being satisfied by ole crusty.He was caught staring at her longingly more than once and she seemed flattered more than offended so this just reinforced that she was needing something more.One night he drop
11.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300-yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before!
Marie says I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis co
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300-yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before!
Marie says I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis co
12.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
13.
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.“When the cows
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.“When the cows
14.
This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired.
He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000.
from non-payers, ho
This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired.
He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000.
from non-payers, ho
15.
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
16.
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
17.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
18.
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
19.
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night.“My grandfather lived to be 96.”“Ninety-six? What finally got him?”“Liquor and women.”“Well, that just goes to show ya,” snickered the one guy, “both will get you in the end.”“Well actually, n
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night.“My grandfather lived to be 96.”“Ninety-six? What finally got him?”“Liquor and women.”“Well, that just goes to show ya,” snickered the one guy, “both will get you in the end.”“Well actually, n
20.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display.“I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied“The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if
21.
While riding my Harley the other day, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very
While riding my Harley the other day, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very
22.
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
23.
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
24.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
25.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
26.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
27.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
28.
“Follow me son”, the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of peopleThe father added, “First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”And they did.“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times w
“Follow me son”, the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of peopleThe father added, “First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”And they did.“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times w
29.
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
30.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she sa
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she sa
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