1.
Queensland farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer.Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”
Queensland farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer.Jim turns to Bob and says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education.Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes.”
2.
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
3.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
4.
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
5.
Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.This assessment must also consi
Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.This assessment must also consi
6.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
7.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
8.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
9.
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
10.
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about thatI'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”The young guy says, “
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about thatI'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”The young guy says, “
11.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
12.
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.I described a typical day – “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.I waded along the edge of a lakeI pushed my
13.
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
14.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
15.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
16.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.He is obviously drunkSo the bartender says to another man in the bar:“Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home.”The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumb
17.
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
18.
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
19.
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
20.
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
21.
Two men were marooned on an Island.One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself.The first man said to the second man, “arn't you afraid we are about to die.”“No,” said the second man, “for you see I
Two men were marooned on an Island.One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself.The first man said to the second man, “arn't you afraid we are about to die.”“No,” said the second man, “for you see I
22.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
23.
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
24.
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
25.
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
26.
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.A few days before the group's annual departure date, John's new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't allowed to go.John's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.A few days before the group's annual departure date, John's new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't allowed to go.John's fishing buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what
27.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
28.
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
29.
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
An elderly lady called the hospital to ask about a patient who was being cared for.“Hello, I'd like some information on a patient, her name is MrsTiptreeShe is in Ward P, Room 23.”“I will just put you through to the ward.”The elderly lady repeated her req
30.
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I'll leave the key under the matFix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.“Oh, by the way d
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I'll leave the key under the matFix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.“Oh, by the way d
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