1.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
2.
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
3.
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
4.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
5.
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
6.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
7.
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
Wife's Diary:Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weirdWe had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinnerI was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.Conversation wasn't flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fa
8.
Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:“Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.I know you're about my ageHow do you feel?”Slim says, “I feel just
Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:“Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.I know you're about my ageHow do you feel?”Slim says, “I feel just
9.
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
10.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
11.
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
12.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.”He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back
13.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
14.
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
15.
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.His wife glares at him and says, “Who
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.His wife glares at him and says, “Who
16.
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
17.
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
18.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
19.
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, “How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,” before slamming down the receiver.“Who was that?” asks his wife.“Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.”
20.
If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The on
If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The on
21.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
22.
Daddy, how was I born ?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We s
Daddy, how was I born ?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We s
23.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
24.
A disciple who loved and admired his teacher decided to observe his behaviour minutely, believing that if he did everything that his teacher did, then he would also acquire his teacher's wisdom.The teacher always wore white, and so his disciple did the s
A disciple who loved and admired his teacher decided to observe his behaviour minutely, believing that if he did everything that his teacher did, then he would also acquire his teacher's wisdom.The teacher always wore white, and so his disciple did the s
25.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
26.
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
27.
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said;
“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithf
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said;
“Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithf
28.
One day after the service a little boy approached the parish priest with a question:Little Boy: “Father I heard you once say that we all came from dust”Parish priest, “That's right I did say that”.Little boy: “And Father I heard you say that when we die w
One day after the service a little boy approached the parish priest with a question:Little Boy: “Father I heard you once say that we all came from dust”Parish priest, “That's right I did say that”.Little boy: “And Father I heard you say that when we die w
29.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
30.
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany.I assumed that most Germans would speak English.But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train.He punched my ticket, then
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