1.
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
2.
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
3.
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
4.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”“The pilot was bothered by a noise he hear
5.
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even
6.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
7.
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
A few decades ago, an American, a Russian, and an Australian were having dinner.
The American says “We are so advanced, we have built airplanes that can go to outer-space.”
The other two ask, “What? Outer-space?”. The American says, “Not exactly, bu
8.
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
9.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.The Pope proceeds onto Highway 95, and starts accelerati
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.The Pope proceeds onto Highway 95, and starts accelerati
10.
A little boy said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” his grandfather replied.
As he sat on his grandfather’s lap he said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound li
A little boy said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” his grandfather replied.
As he sat on his grandfather’s lap he said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound li
11.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
12.
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party…After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest roomThose who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joyHe started working at a succe
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party…After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest roomThose who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joyHe started working at a succe
13.
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
A woman takes her 16 year old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?”
The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla.
She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings
14.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.“Yes Dad, what is it?”“Don't be nervous, son; do your
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.“Yes Dad, what is it?”“Don't be nervous, son; do your
15.
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.One day a friend asked, “Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?”Thomas replied, “Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parent
16.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
17.
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
18.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
19.
Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained,
“That’s a bull and a cow, and he’s serving her.”
A little later on, they saw horses.
The Grandpa said,
“That’s a stud and a mare, and he’s servi
Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained,
“That’s a bull and a cow, and he’s serving her.”
A little later on, they saw horses.
The Grandpa said,
“That’s a stud and a mare, and he’s servi
20.
A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market.
On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip.
Since he had only two ropes to tie the donkeys to a tree, he looked around wondering how to tie the third one.
He saw a sage an
A farmer was taking three of his donkeys for sale to the market.
On the way, he saw a river and decided to have a dip.
Since he had only two ropes to tie the donkeys to a tree, he looked around wondering how to tie the third one.
He saw a sage an
21.
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricityWhen the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern
22.
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
23.
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
24.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
25.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
26.
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
27.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
28.
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so pricelessand so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today!A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February andMarch for their annual service charges
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so pricelessand so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today!A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February andMarch for their annual service charges
29.
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for meAlthough I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a t
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for meAlthough I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a t
30.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
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