Laugh out loud with these must-read funny jokes 06

1.

Funny Jokes

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att



2.

Funny Jokes

A little boy said, “Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
“Why sure you can,” his grandfather replied.
As he sat on his grandfather’s lap he said, “Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?”
“A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound li



3.

Funny Jokes

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo



4.

Funny Jokes

The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a



5.

Funny Jokes

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriendThe jeweler looked throu



6.

Funny Jokes

Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up



7.

Funny Jokes

At work, Tom and Jack were chatting:Tom: Jack, I've been attending evening classes for 8 months now and I have a test next month.Jack: oh!Tom: For example, do you know who is Thomas Edison?Jack: NoTom: He's the inventor of the light bulb; if you take even



8.

Funny Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h



9.

Funny Jokes

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other.Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.A few m



10.

Funny Jokes

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need



11.

Funny Jokes

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and



12.

Funny Jokes

Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought



13.

Funny Jokes

A plane crashesThe only survivor is a flight attendant.She finds herself on a deserted island and after a while gets really hot so she takes her shirt off exposing her cleavage.She sees smoke nearby and a rives to see a man cooking some meat.Where are you



14.

Funny Jokes

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa



15.

Funny Jokes

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.
The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.
But



16.

Funny Jokes

A woman consulted a divorce attorney to discuss her marriage annulment on account of her husband’s irrational attitudes.
After being married to her husband for years, a woman decided to call it quits as she was fed up of enduring his constant sexual de



17.

Funny Jokes

Two friends are walking their dogs, a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua, when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.
The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.”
But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in



18.

Funny Jokes

Two beggars in London Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London …
Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-



19.

Funny Jokes

A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late



20.

Funny Jokes

Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but he then saw that there were 3 men breaking into his garage.He called the police and said, “Get over here quickly, there's 3 burglars trying to break into my garage on Maple Drive!”The dispatcher r



21.

Funny Jokes

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was



22.

Funny Jokes

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy



23.

Funny Jokes

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him he whispered, eyes full of tears: “You know what



24.

Funny Jokes

An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.



25.

Funny Jokes

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the pries



26.

Funny Jokes

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“Because it gets late early.” (On why it’s so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
“If the people don



27.

Funny Jokes

Grandpa and his 7-year-old grandson are gardening when to boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
“I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t,” says Gramps.
“It’s too wiggl



28.

Funny Jokes

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest



29.

Funny Jokes

Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the wilderness of Canadian to bag moose.As the seaplane landed on the lake in a remote area, the pilot said, “I'll be back in exactly one week to pick you upBut remember – only one moose, please.”When he return



30.

Funny Jokes

Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left



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