1.
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him he whispered, eyes full of tears: “You know what
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him he whispered, eyes full of tears: “You know what
2.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
3.
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
4.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
5.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
6.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
7.
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims,“An enemy ship is approaching us!”The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.”The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims,“An enemy ship is approaching us!”The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.”The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of
8.
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
9.
A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way homeHe finished the book by the time he reached
A man was tired of being bossed around by his wife, so he went to see a psychiatrist.The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way homeHe finished the book by the time he reached
10.
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
A husband and wife have four sons.The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes.The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said,“Honey, before I die, be totally hone
11.
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a s
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a s
12.
Girl taunts old man and asks if he ever did anything wildheading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were ba
Girl taunts old man and asks if he ever did anything wildheading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were ba
13.
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
…something this girl knew all too well.One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window.“I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver.“No way! Get lost!” r
14.
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
The King knew his gorgeous Queen was going to be unfaithful with everyone through the court and county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.The court magistrate showed the King a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle.“Why, doesn't tha
15.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
16.
Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they
Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they
17.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
18.
On Little Johnny’s first day of school,
The teacher asked Johnny what 10+10 is and he said he doesn’t know.
So his teacher told him to go home and find out.
After school, he went to ask his dad but he was fixing the car.
Johnny: Daddy what is
On Little Johnny’s first day of school,
The teacher asked Johnny what 10+10 is and he said he doesn’t know.
So his teacher told him to go home and find out.
After school, he went to ask his dad but he was fixing the car.
Johnny: Daddy what is
19.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
20.
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
21.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door a
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.
The young family’s 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door a
22.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
23.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded.
“Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manage
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded.
“Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manage
24.
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
25.
She decided she would just end her life herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the
She decided she would just end her life herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the
26.
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.“Help! Is there anybody up there” he shouted.A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:“I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”“
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.“Help! Is there anybody up there” he shouted.A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:“I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”“
27.
After driving for about six hours,…
a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.
As soon as he falls asleep,…
He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.
“Yeah, it’s
After driving for about six hours,…
a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.
As soon as he falls asleep,…
He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.
“Yeah, it’s
28.
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
29.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was schedul
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was schedul
30.
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him: “Daddy, what is s*x?”
The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question,
then she is old enough to g
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him: “Daddy, what is s*x?”
The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question,
then she is old enough to g
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