1.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheepIt was fascinating.”The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
2.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
3.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
4.
60th High School Reunion, He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the w
60th High School Reunion, He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the w
5.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
6.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
7.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
8.
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
9.
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
10.
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
A woman runs into a doctor's office and says,“Doctor! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”The doctor replies, “Show me.”So the woman pokes her ankle and screams in pain.She pokes her knee and yells again.She pokes her forehead and
11.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
12.
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart.Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what's your name?”“I'm Phil and I'm OK thanks,” I replied.“Phil, forget yo
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart.Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay, what's your name?”“I'm Phil and I'm OK thanks,” I replied.“Phil, forget yo
13.
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
14.
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have.
wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around
15.
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.Dr: I've got good new and bad newsWhich do you want to hear first?Patient: I guess the bad news.Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can doI'm sorry.Patient: (starts cryi
16.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
17.
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
18.
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
19.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
20.
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
21.
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
22.
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
23.
So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a Colt 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun cont
So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a Colt 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun cont
24.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
25.
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
A high school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of the girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
26.
It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the ZooShe's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, Sleeveless with straps.As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy.He jumps up o
It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the ZooShe's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, Sleeveless with straps.As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy.He jumps up o
27.
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
28.
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
29.
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.
As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.
Little Johnny replied, “I’m
30.
A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home.
The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.
‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’
The husband comes up to the
A woman and her lover are in bed together when hubbie comes home.
The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.
‘Don’t move! You’re a statue!’
The husband comes up to the
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