1.
A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith…
…for advice about enlarging her melons.
He tells her, “Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your melons and say,
“Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger melons.”
She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great melons!
One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
At this point she loved her new melons and didn’t want to lose them, so right in the middle of the bus–“Scooby dooby doobies.
I want bigger melons.”
A guy sitting nearby asked her, “Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?”
“Why, yes, I do. How did you know?”
“Hickory hickory dock
A man walked into a bar
The Kid Asks His Dad
A flat-chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith…
…for advice about enlarging her melons.
He tells her, “Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the tip of your melons and say,
“Scooby dooby doobies. I want bigger melons.”
She did this every day faithfully and after several months, it worked! She grew great melons!
One morning she was running late and she was on the bus when she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
At this point she loved her new melons and didn’t want to lose them, so right in the middle of the bus–“Scooby dooby doobies.
I want bigger melons.”
A guy sitting nearby asked her, “Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?”
“Why, yes, I do. How did you know?”
“Hickory hickory dock
A man walked into a bar
The Kid Asks His Dad
2.
Three Engineers are Discussing God
The structural engineer says “I think God must’ve been a structural engineer.
The musculoskeletal system is perfectly designed to allow us to walk upright.”
The electrical engineer says “Interesting, but you are obviously wrong. God is an electrical engineer.
The nervous system is so complex and finely tuned, He couldn’t be anything else!”
The civil engineer turns to them both and declares “you’re both wrong.
Only a civil engineer would run a sewage line through a recreational area.”
A man’s walking home late at night
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest
Three Engineers are Discussing God
The structural engineer says “I think God must’ve been a structural engineer.
The musculoskeletal system is perfectly designed to allow us to walk upright.”
The electrical engineer says “Interesting, but you are obviously wrong. God is an electrical engineer.
The nervous system is so complex and finely tuned, He couldn’t be anything else!”
The civil engineer turns to them both and declares “you’re both wrong.
Only a civil engineer would run a sewage line through a recreational area.”
A man’s walking home late at night
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest
3.
A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town.
“There it is,” said the Englishman.
“It’s quite impressive, I must admit.”
“You call that big?” scoffed the Texan.
“Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!”
“I’m not surprised,” said the Englishman.
“That’s the local lunatic asylum!”
A man was annoyed when his wife
A man walks up to a woman
A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town.
“There it is,” said the Englishman.
“It’s quite impressive, I must admit.”
“You call that big?” scoffed the Texan.
“Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!”
“I’m not surprised,” said the Englishman.
“That’s the local lunatic asylum!”
A man was annoyed when his wife
A man walks up to a woman
4.
A woman joins a country club and one day hears the guys talking about their golf round.
She says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?”
No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot.
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 am.”
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed. They can’t figure her out. She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
After the game they decide to have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse.
Finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?” The lady blushes, and grins.
“Well I’m ambidextrous,” she replies.
“I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willy points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical and burst into laughter.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the them asks, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
“Then I’m fifteen minutes late.”
A man well into his seventies asks his wife
A octopus walks into a bar
A woman joins a country club and one day hears the guys talking about their golf round.
She says, “I played on my college’s golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?”
No one wants to say ‘yes’, but they’re on the spot.
Finally, one man says, “Okay, but we start at 6:30 am.”
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, “Okay.”
She’s there at 6:30 am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She’s fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, “I’ll be there at 6:30, or 6:45.”
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They’re totally amazed. They can’t figure her out. She’s very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she’s 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she’s so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can’t hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
After the game they decide to have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse.
Finally, one of the men asks her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?” The lady blushes, and grins.
“Well I’m ambidextrous,” she replies.
“I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willy points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed.”
The guys think this is hysterical and burst into laughter.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the them asks, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”
“Then I’m fifteen minutes late.”
A man well into his seventies asks his wife
A octopus walks into a bar
5.
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.
She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for lovemaking.
“What’s that?” he asked.
She explained to him what make love was, and he said, “Oh, Tarzan use that hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and open her legs.
“Here,” she said, pointing, “You must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, “Why the hell did you do that?”
“Tarzan check for bees!”
A man walking along the beach
This elderly lady went to the doctor
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.
She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for lovemaking.
“What’s that?” he asked.
She explained to him what make love was, and he said, “Oh, Tarzan use that hole in trunk of tree.”
Horrified, she said, “Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and open her legs.
“Here,” she said, pointing, “You must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp, “Why the hell did you do that?”
“Tarzan check for bees!”
A man walking along the beach
This elderly lady went to the doctor
6.
Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them in fifty years’ time.
The first said, “I would like my grandchildren to say ‘He was great fun to be with.'”
“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want mine to say ‘He was a loyal and loving family man.'”
Turning to the third man, they asked him, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”
“I want them to say,” the third man replied, “He looks really good for his age!”
Three drunks get into a taxi
Two hunters Paul and Kurt
Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them in fifty years’ time.
The first said, “I would like my grandchildren to say ‘He was great fun to be with.'”
“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want mine to say ‘He was a loyal and loving family man.'”
Turning to the third man, they asked him, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”
“I want them to say,” the third man replied, “He looks really good for his age!”
Three drunks get into a taxi
Two hunters Paul and Kurt
7.
There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns
Jones came into the office an hour late
There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns
Jones came into the office an hour late
8.
The man checked his speed and saw he was going 30mph.
He thought, “Am I crazy, or is this chicken keeping pace with me at 30mph?”
So he sped up 40mph, and to his surprise, the chicken kept running right next to his car.
“This can’t be right.”, the man thought.
“No chicken can run this fast.”
So he sped up to 50mph.
The chicken, amazingly, kept pace with his car the man looked closely at the chicken, and he saw it also had 3 legs.
“A 3 legged chicken, running 50 miles per hour? Am I dreaming? How can this be real?”
So the man sped up to 60mph.
The chicken also sped up and kept pace with his car then, to the man’s astonishment, passed his car and ran a few yards ahead, then suddenly turned hard left down another road without slowing down.
The man hit the brakes, and turned down the road to follow the chicken, but the chicken was out of sight but a little ways down the road, the man saw a farmer out to get his mail.
The man stopped next to the farmer and said, “Hey! Did you just see a 3-legged chicken come tearing down this road at 60 miles per hour?”
The farmer looked at the man and said, “Yup, I saw him he was one of mine.”
“One of yours??”, said the man, incredulous.
“Yup”, said the farmer.
“You see, I raise 3 legged chickens.
I like to eat the drumstick, my wife likes to eat the drumstick, and now our little boy likes to eat the drumstick, so I got tired of us fighting over them and decided to use some selective breeding until I got 3 legged chickens.”
“That’s amazing!”, said the man.
“Well, congratulations on your successful breeding program and how do they taste?”
“Well”, said the farmer.
“I don’t know I’ve never been able to catch one.”
A important race on a new horse
Two nuns were shopping
The man checked his speed and saw he was going 30mph.
He thought, “Am I crazy, or is this chicken keeping pace with me at 30mph?”
So he sped up 40mph, and to his surprise, the chicken kept running right next to his car.
“This can’t be right.”, the man thought.
“No chicken can run this fast.”
So he sped up to 50mph.
The chicken, amazingly, kept pace with his car the man looked closely at the chicken, and he saw it also had 3 legs.
“A 3 legged chicken, running 50 miles per hour? Am I dreaming? How can this be real?”
So the man sped up to 60mph.
The chicken also sped up and kept pace with his car then, to the man’s astonishment, passed his car and ran a few yards ahead, then suddenly turned hard left down another road without slowing down.
The man hit the brakes, and turned down the road to follow the chicken, but the chicken was out of sight but a little ways down the road, the man saw a farmer out to get his mail.
The man stopped next to the farmer and said, “Hey! Did you just see a 3-legged chicken come tearing down this road at 60 miles per hour?”
The farmer looked at the man and said, “Yup, I saw him he was one of mine.”
“One of yours??”, said the man, incredulous.
“Yup”, said the farmer.
“You see, I raise 3 legged chickens.
I like to eat the drumstick, my wife likes to eat the drumstick, and now our little boy likes to eat the drumstick, so I got tired of us fighting over them and decided to use some selective breeding until I got 3 legged chickens.”
“That’s amazing!”, said the man.
“Well, congratulations on your successful breeding program and how do they taste?”
“Well”, said the farmer.
“I don’t know I’ve never been able to catch one.”
A important race on a new horse
Two nuns were shopping
9.
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’ He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..’
She said, ‘I’m a queer. I spend my whole day thinking about undressed women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about undressed women. When I shower, I think about undressed women. When I watch TV, I think about undressed women. It seems everything makes me think of undressed women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a queer.’
A boy is wandering in a hotel
A man hankering after some chili
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’ He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..’
She said, ‘I’m a queer. I spend my whole day thinking about undressed women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about undressed women. When I shower, I think about undressed women. When I watch TV, I think about undressed women. It seems everything makes me think of undressed women.’
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’
He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a queer.’
A boy is wandering in a hotel
A man hankering after some chili
10.
An old man is 85-year old and insists on taking his wife’s hand everywhere they go.
When a man asked him why his wife kept looking away, he responded,
“Because she has Alzheimer’s.” the old man said.
Then the man proceeded to ask him, will your wife worry if you let her go?
He then replied, “She doesn’t remember anything, she doesn’t know who I am anymore, she hasn’t recognized me for years.”
Surprised, the old man said, “And you have continued to guide her every single day even though she doesn’t recognize you?”
The elderly man smiled and looked into the man’s eyes and said, “She may not know who I am, but I know who she is, and she is the love of my life.”
Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch
An old man is 85-year old and insists on taking his wife’s hand everywhere they go.
When a man asked him why his wife kept looking away, he responded,
“Because she has Alzheimer’s.” the old man said.
Then the man proceeded to ask him, will your wife worry if you let her go?
He then replied, “She doesn’t remember anything, she doesn’t know who I am anymore, she hasn’t recognized me for years.”
Surprised, the old man said, “And you have continued to guide her every single day even though she doesn’t recognize you?”
The elderly man smiled and looked into the man’s eyes and said, “She may not know who I am, but I know who she is, and she is the love of my life.”
Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch
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11.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant.
“I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
Alan’s wife called him as he was at pub
A woman noticed a dog ad in the local newspaper
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant.
“I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
Alan’s wife called him as he was at pub
A woman noticed a dog ad in the local newspaper
12.
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical.
As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Oh oh!”
The man asked the doctor, “What’s the problem?”
“Well,” said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?”
“No,” replied the man.
“Do you drink in excess?”
“No.” replied the man.
“Do you have a make love life?”
“Yes, I do!”
“Well,” said the doc, “I’m afraid with this heart murmur, you’ll have to give up half your make love life.
“Looking perplexed, the old man said, “Which half the looking or the thinking?”
A pastor told the congregation
A Texan was taking a taxi tour
An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical.
As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Oh oh!”
The man asked the doctor, “What’s the problem?”
“Well,” said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?”
“No,” replied the man.
“Do you drink in excess?”
“No.” replied the man.
“Do you have a make love life?”
“Yes, I do!”
“Well,” said the doc, “I’m afraid with this heart murmur, you’ll have to give up half your make love life.
“Looking perplexed, the old man said, “Which half the looking or the thinking?”
A pastor told the congregation
A Texan was taking a taxi tour
13.
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
‘I would like to buy some cyanide’
The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed,
‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!’
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
‘Well now, that’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
The elderly lady is in the Supermarket
Johnny spends a rare weekend with his dad
A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
‘I would like to buy some cyanide’
The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed,
‘Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!’
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
‘Well now, that’s different.
You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
The elderly lady is in the Supermarket
Johnny spends a rare weekend with his dad
14.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention.
When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.
Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”
“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”
Three guys were drinking in a pub
A man walks into a bar orders a drink
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention.
When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.
Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”
“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”
Three guys were drinking in a pub
A man walks into a bar orders a drink
15.
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested.
“Let’s kill a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
“Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
A husband and wife were driving through
Husband in bed with another woman
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested.
“Let’s kill a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
“Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
A husband and wife were driving through
Husband in bed with another woman
16.
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here for 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ giving’ him any of mine.”
The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill ‘I’m, but I’M KEEPING’ ALL MY COWS.”
The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen!
At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cow’s justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”
The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
The third bull says, “Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”
Johnny was at school and the teacher said
He dialed the employees home phone number
17.
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go get it.
“She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”
A blonde walks into an appliance store
Three female fugitives escaping from jail
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go get it.
“She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”
A blonde walks into an appliance store
Three female fugitives escaping from jail
18.
A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First they see two people going into the house time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist says: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologist concludes: “They have reproduced.”
The mathematician says: “Now if another person enters the house, it’ll be empty again.”
A frog and an iguana
The officer signals for her to pull over
A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First they see two people going into the house time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist says: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologist concludes: “They have reproduced.”
The mathematician says: “Now if another person enters the house, it’ll be empty again.”
A frog and an iguana
The officer signals for her to pull over
19.
An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the nature around him.
“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look, and suddenly saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him!
He ran up the path as fast as he could.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was gaining on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and now the bear was even closer.
In his haste, the man tripped on a root and fell to the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”
“Very well,” said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed and the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Salesman From La Tries To Trick Texas Lady
The boss calls his secretary
An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the nature around him.
“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look, and suddenly saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him!
He ran up the path as fast as he could.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was gaining on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and now the bear was even closer.
In his haste, the man tripped on a root and fell to the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
“You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”
“Very well,” said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed and the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke, Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Salesman From La Tries To Trick Texas Lady
The boss calls his secretary
20.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls I told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’
Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing Jerry would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos, midnight – brilliant eh?)
The next morning Jerry asked me what time I got in, I told him ‘midnight’…
He didn’t seem pissed off in the least whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’ When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh sh*t’.
It then cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table.
A Old Man Goes To The Doctor
She was standing on the sidewalk
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls I told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’
Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing Jerry would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos, midnight – brilliant eh?)
The next morning Jerry asked me what time I got in, I told him ‘midnight’…
He didn’t seem pissed off in the least whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’ When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh sh*t’.
It then cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table.
A Old Man Goes To The Doctor
She was standing on the sidewalk
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21.
A lady went to a doctor’s office where she was seen by a Doctor.
A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life.
After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story.
The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed, “shame on you, Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant.”
The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said, “does she still have the hiccups?”
Three old ladies are sitting
A doctor remarked on his patients
A lady went to a doctor’s office where she was seen by a Doctor.
A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life.
After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story.
The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed, “shame on you, Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant.”
The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said, “does she still have the hiccups?”
Three old ladies are sitting
A doctor remarked on his patients
22.
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts,
“Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”
The wife says, “Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!”
A man came to the emergency room
A young man was sitting in his office
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts,
“Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”
The wife says, “Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!”
A man came to the emergency room
A young man was sitting in his office
23.
A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband in bed with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger: “You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!? I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered: “Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one, “but these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling: “today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked me for a ride.”
“I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes covered in muck and mud. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days.”
“She looked worse for wear so I took pity on her and let her into the car.”
“In my mercy for her, instead of taking her straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’.”
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.”
“While she showered, I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’.”
“I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because ‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’. And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”
A Italian girl tells her Mom
One day her husband comes home early
A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband in bed with a young and attractive woman.
The woman yelled at her husband in anger: “You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!? I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to you all these years! I want a divorce now!”
The husband answered: “Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.”
“All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one, “but these are your last words.”
Her husband started recalling: “today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked me for a ride.”
“I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes covered in muck and mud. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days.”
“She looked worse for wear so I took pity on her and let her into the car.”
“In my mercy for her, instead of taking her straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’.”
“She devoured it in seconds.”
“Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.”
“While she showered, I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’.”
“I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because ‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.”
“I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’. And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work had the same pair’.”
The husband took a deep breath and continued…
“She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…”
“You’re such a great person! Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?”
A Italian girl tells her Mom
One day her husband comes home early
24.
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren.
She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
“Oh, I’ve done all the talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me… what do you think of my grandchildren?”
A woman phones up her husband
Quasimodo goes to a doctor
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren.
She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
“Oh, I’ve done all the talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me… what do you think of my grandchildren?”
A woman phones up her husband
Quasimodo goes to a doctor
25.
Santa was traveling in a train.
The ticket collector came and asked him to show his ticket.
Santa politely asked, “Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?”
The T.C was taken aback.
He then said, “Show me the ticket in your right pocket.”
Santa promptly showed the ticket It was perfectly in order.
The T.C then asked for the reason for buying two tickets.
Santa explained, “If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left.”
The T.C asked again, “Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?”
Santa said with a smile, “I have a concessional monthly pass also.”
A certain king of Spain
A fisherman is walking carrying lobsters
Santa was traveling in a train.
The ticket collector came and asked him to show his ticket.
Santa politely asked, “Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?”
The T.C was taken aback.
He then said, “Show me the ticket in your right pocket.”
Santa promptly showed the ticket It was perfectly in order.
The T.C then asked for the reason for buying two tickets.
Santa explained, “If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left.”
The T.C asked again, “Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?”
Santa said with a smile, “I have a concessional monthly pass also.”
A certain king of Spain
A fisherman is walking carrying lobsters
26.
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H – Husband, W – Wife)
H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”
W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.
I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H – “What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2019 models.
I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price.
And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $1,65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
H – “What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and
I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.
It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”
H – “Bye… I love you too…”
The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks,
“Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to … ???”
Three ladies walked into a bar
A woman goes to Italy
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H – Husband, W – Wife)
H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”
W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.
I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H – “What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2019 models.
I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price.
And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $1,65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
H – “What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and
I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.
It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”
H – “Bye… I love you too…”
The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks,
“Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to … ???”
Three ladies walked into a bar
A woman goes to Italy
27.
One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having lovemaking, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”
Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having lovemaking and says “What are you doing?”
To which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner now go to bed you little freak!”
About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing.”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?
“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”
A depressed man walks into a bar
A father is talking to his son about girls
One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having lovemaking, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”
Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having lovemaking and says “What are you doing?”
To which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner now go to bed you little freak!”
About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing.”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?
“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”
A depressed man walks into a bar
A father is talking to his son about girls
28.
One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.
He saw a monkey on a tree.
“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.
Replied the monkey, “You are too big you can not swing from trees like me.”
Next, the elephant met a rabbit he asked him to be his friends.
But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!” Then the elephant met a frog.
“Will you be my friend? He asked.
“How can I?” asked the frog.
“You are too big to leap about like me.”
The elephant was upset.
He met a fox next.
“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.
The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”
The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.
The elephant asked them what the matter was.
The bear replied, “There is a tiger in the forest.
He’s trying to gobble us all up!”
The animals all ran away to hide.
The elephant wondered what he could do to save everyone in the forest.
Meanwhile, the tiger kept eating up whoever he could find.
The elephant walked up to the tiger and said, “Please, Mr Tiger, do not eat up these poor animals.”
“Mind your own business!” growled the tiger.
The elephant has a no choice but to give the tiger a hefty kick.
The frightened tiger ran for his life.
The elephant ambled back into the forest to announce the good news to everyone.
All the animals thanked the elephant.
They said, “You are just the right size to be our friend.”
The homeless man
The teacher decided to observe
One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.
He saw a monkey on a tree.
“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.
Replied the monkey, “You are too big you can not swing from trees like me.”
Next, the elephant met a rabbit he asked him to be his friends.
But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!” Then the elephant met a frog.
“Will you be my friend? He asked.
“How can I?” asked the frog.
“You are too big to leap about like me.”
The elephant was upset.
He met a fox next.
“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.
The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”
The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.
The elephant asked them what the matter was.
The bear replied, “There is a tiger in the forest.
He’s trying to gobble us all up!”
The animals all ran away to hide.
The elephant wondered what he could do to save everyone in the forest.
Meanwhile, the tiger kept eating up whoever he could find.
The elephant walked up to the tiger and said, “Please, Mr Tiger, do not eat up these poor animals.”
“Mind your own business!” growled the tiger.
The elephant has a no choice but to give the tiger a hefty kick.
The frightened tiger ran for his life.
The elephant ambled back into the forest to announce the good news to everyone.
All the animals thanked the elephant.
They said, “You are just the right size to be our friend.”
The homeless man
The teacher decided to observe
29.
Little Johnny, 6 years old, gets home from school.
He had his first family planning lesson at school.
His mother, is very interested and she asks, “How did it go?”
“I died of shame” he answers!
Annie from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Timmy in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.
His mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”
“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders
Ethel and Mabel two elderly widows
Little Johnny, 6 years old, gets home from school.
He had his first family planning lesson at school.
His mother, is very interested and she asks, “How did it go?”
“I died of shame” he answers!
Annie from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Timmy in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.
His mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”
“No, but I can’t tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!”
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders
Ethel and Mabel two elderly widows
30.
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelite’s out of Egypt.
“When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
“Then he used his walkies-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to bl*w up the bridge and all the Israelite’s were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
“Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”
A couple was dining out
A polish man is sitting at a bar
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelite’s out of Egypt.
“When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
“Then he used his walkies-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to bl*w up the bridge and all the Israelite’s were saved.”
“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.
“Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”
A couple was dining out
A polish man is sitting at a bar
Tags:
eng jokes