1.
They take a seat, the ladies chat with one another across the table, as do the gents.
Fred asks Harold, “Are you still going to that memory clinic?”
Harold says, “Yes, it’s been helping my memory a lot, I recommend you come along to our next session.”
“What do they do there?”, asks Fred.
“They teach us to remember things through word association”, replies Harold.
Fred says, “I might have to give it a try, what’s the name of the clinic?”
Harold pauses for a while, trying to remember.
He says, “Umm, ahh, hang on… um… what’s the name of that beautiful flower, the one that has thorns?”
Fred says, “That’d be a rose, Harold.”
Harold turns to his wife and says, Rose!, what’s the name of that clinic I go to?
Susan spoke to the insurance agent
A guard dog
They take a seat, the ladies chat with one another across the table, as do the gents.
Fred asks Harold, “Are you still going to that memory clinic?”
Harold says, “Yes, it’s been helping my memory a lot, I recommend you come along to our next session.”
“What do they do there?”, asks Fred.
“They teach us to remember things through word association”, replies Harold.
Fred says, “I might have to give it a try, what’s the name of the clinic?”
Harold pauses for a while, trying to remember.
He says, “Umm, ahh, hang on… um… what’s the name of that beautiful flower, the one that has thorns?”
Fred says, “That’d be a rose, Harold.”
Harold turns to his wife and says, Rose!, what’s the name of that clinic I go to?
Susan spoke to the insurance agent
A guard dog
2.
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother.
“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.
She was until Johnny thought for a second and asked “So why do you have so much hair?
A 12-year-old girl was walking
Let us enjoy reading this story
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
“Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” He asked his mother.
“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.
She was until Johnny thought for a second and asked “So why do you have so much hair?
A 12-year-old girl was walking
Let us enjoy reading this story
3.
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answers the woman.
“We don’t have a maid,” says the man.
The woman says,
“I was hired this morning by the woman of the house.”
The man says,
“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
The woman replies,…
“She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.”
The guy is fuming and says to the maid,
“Listen, would you like to make $10,000?”
The maid asks,…
“What will I have to do?”
The man tells her,
“I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she’s with.”
The maid puts the phone down;
the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone,
“What do I do with the bodies?”
The man says,
“Throw them in the swimming pool.”
Puzzled, the maid answers,
“But you don’t have a pool.”
A long pause and the man asks,
“Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?”
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman
A rich cheapskate hires a local handyman
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answers the woman.
“We don’t have a maid,” says the man.
The woman says,
“I was hired this morning by the woman of the house.”
The man says,
“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
The woman replies,…
“She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.”
The guy is fuming and says to the maid,
“Listen, would you like to make $10,000?”
The maid asks,…
“What will I have to do?”
The man tells her,
“I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she’s with.”
The maid puts the phone down;
the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone,
“What do I do with the bodies?”
The man says,
“Throw them in the swimming pool.”
Puzzled, the maid answers,
“But you don’t have a pool.”
A long pause and the man asks,
“Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?”
A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman
A rich cheapskate hires a local handyman
4.
Two Women riding in an elevator in a very lavish and posh building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, at $180.
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5, at $220.”
When they got to the third floor, the old woman had reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks at both beautiful women in the eye,
Farts, and then says… Heinz Baked beans … $1.50.
A bear walks into a bar
The car speed off the highway
Two Women riding in an elevator in a very lavish and posh building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, at $180.
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5, at $220.”
When they got to the third floor, the old woman had reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks at both beautiful women in the eye,
Farts, and then says… Heinz Baked beans … $1.50.
A bear walks into a bar
The car speed off the highway
5.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off to her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon’s shenanigans, they fell asleep and woke up at around 10 pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she complied nonetheless.
He proceeded to slip his shoes on and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until now.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and shouted: “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
He gets into the taxi
A old lady walked into the Bank
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off to her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon’s shenanigans, they fell asleep and woke up at around 10 pm.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she complied nonetheless.
He proceeded to slip his shoes on and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until now.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and shouted: “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
He gets into the taxi
A old lady walked into the Bank
6.
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him.
“This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “Why do you say that?”
The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, “Follow me.”
The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room.
The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.
“Here’s why.” The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft!
“The air currents are great here!” he exclaims. “It’s very relaxing.”
He floats back into the room.
As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.
The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window down to the pavement twelve stories below.
He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air.
He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.
The first man grins and returns to the bar.
Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
“You know,” he says, disgusted.
“You’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A businessman is driving down
A Help desk guy speaking to an old lady
Two men are sitting at a bar, slowly sipping their drinks.
After a while, the first man approaches the other man, and sits next to him.
“This place is great, isn’t it?” he asks.
The second man, somewhat surprised at the stranger’s remark, replies, “Why do you say that?”
The first man, in a low tone of voice, responds, “Follow me.”
The two of them walk over to a large window at the end of the room.
The window faces out onto the street, 12 floors below.
“Here’s why.” The first man throws open the window, and boldly steps out into thin air. But he remains aloft!
“The air currents are great here!” he exclaims. “It’s very relaxing.”
He floats back into the room.
As his feet return to the bar-room floor, he invites the second man to try it.
The second man, skeptical, peers out through the window down to the pavement twelve stories below.
He looks to either side, and finally up above, to see if there was anything holding the first man up.
Convinced that it was no trickery, the second man swallows, closes his eyes, and steps out into thin air.
He promptly falls twelve stories to the pavement below.
The first man grins and returns to the bar.
Looking rather irritated, the barkeep comes over to the place where the man sits.
“You know,” he says, disgusted.
“You’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A businessman is driving down
A Help desk guy speaking to an old lady
7.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, he takes off after her a few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens on the fifth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb as promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, nice woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: “If you catch me you can have me.”
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot!
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it’s definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone – “This is our most rigorous program.”
“Absolutely,” he replies,”I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read:
“I’m Ronald If I catch you, you’re mine…”
A Little Old Lady Who Wanted A Parrot
Two well-dressed ladies
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads: “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, he takes off after her a few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens on the fifth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb as promised.
He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, nice woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads: “If you catch me you can have me.”
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot!
This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it’s definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone – “This is our most rigorous program.”
“Absolutely,” he replies,”I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that read:
“I’m Ronald If I catch you, you’re mine…”
A Little Old Lady Who Wanted A Parrot
Two well-dressed ladies
8.
A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery.
He answered the call as soon as possible, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy’s father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor.
On seeing him, the dad yelled:
“Why did you take all this time to come?
Don’t you know that my son’s life is in danger? Don’t you have any sense of responsibility?”
The doctor smiled and said:
“I am sorry, I wasn’t in the hospital and I came as fast as I could after receiving the call……
And now, I wish you’d calm down so that I can do my work”
“Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down?
If your own son dies now what will you do?” said the father angrily
The doctor smiled again and replied:
“I will say what Job said in the Holy Book
From dust we came and to dust we return, blessed be the name of God.
Doctors cannot prolong lives
Go and intercede for your son, we will do our best by God’s grace”
“Giving advises when we’re not concerned is so easy” murmured the father.
The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy.
“Thank goodness!, your son is saved!”
And without waiting for the father’s reply he carried on his way running.
“If you have any questions, ask the nurse!”
“Why is he so arrogant? He couldn’t wait some minutes so that I ask about my son’s state”
Commented the father when seeing the nurse a minute after the doctor left.
The nurse answered, tears coming down her face:
“His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son’s surgery.
And now that he saved your son’s life, he left running to finish his son’s burial.”
Never judge anyone because you never know how their life is and what they’re going through.
She need better laundry detergent
The local bar was so sure
A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery.
He answered the call as soon as possible, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy’s father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor.
On seeing him, the dad yelled:
“Why did you take all this time to come?
Don’t you know that my son’s life is in danger? Don’t you have any sense of responsibility?”
The doctor smiled and said:
“I am sorry, I wasn’t in the hospital and I came as fast as I could after receiving the call……
And now, I wish you’d calm down so that I can do my work”
“Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down?
If your own son dies now what will you do?” said the father angrily
The doctor smiled again and replied:
“I will say what Job said in the Holy Book
From dust we came and to dust we return, blessed be the name of God.
Doctors cannot prolong lives
Go and intercede for your son, we will do our best by God’s grace”
“Giving advises when we’re not concerned is so easy” murmured the father.
The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy.
“Thank goodness!, your son is saved!”
And without waiting for the father’s reply he carried on his way running.
“If you have any questions, ask the nurse!”
“Why is he so arrogant? He couldn’t wait some minutes so that I ask about my son’s state”
Commented the father when seeing the nurse a minute after the doctor left.
The nurse answered, tears coming down her face:
“His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son’s surgery.
And now that he saved your son’s life, he left running to finish his son’s burial.”
Never judge anyone because you never know how their life is and what they’re going through.
She need better laundry detergent
The local bar was so sure
9.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce
The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car
You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television
A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.
The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car
The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim
It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day
Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.
The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo
When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower for that?!”
There was a prince
Two roosters fought for supremacy
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce
The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car
You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television
A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.
The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car
The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim
It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day
Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.
The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo
When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower for that?!”
There was a prince
Two roosters fought for supremacy
10.
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 …correct?
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
A man is lying on the beach and reply to hot girl
A Man Who Is Dating Three Women
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 …correct?
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
A man is lying on the beach and reply to hot girl
A Man Who Is Dating Three Women
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11.
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly slain seven enemy soldiers.
Another gave a detailed description of the manner in which he had held an entire enemy battalion at bay.
When they had finished they looked condescendingly at Rama.
“I don’t suppose you have any adventure worth telling,” said one of the grizzled warriors.
“Oh, but I have,” said Rama
“You have?!” said the soldiers.
“Yes,” said Rama
“Once while travelling I chanced upon a large tent
I entered and there, lying on a mat was the largest man I had ever seen.
I recognised him at once as a dreaded dacoit who had been terrorising that part of the country for years!”
“What did you do?” asked the soldiers, their interest now fully aroused.
“I cut off his toe and ran for dear life,” said Rama.
“His toe?” said a soldier.
“Why toe? You should have cut off his head while you had the chance!”
“Somebody had already done that,” said Rama, grinning.
The Dog, The Rooster And The Fox
The Sufi master Shams Tabrizi’s disciples
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly slain seven enemy soldiers.
Another gave a detailed description of the manner in which he had held an entire enemy battalion at bay.
When they had finished they looked condescendingly at Rama.
“I don’t suppose you have any adventure worth telling,” said one of the grizzled warriors.
“Oh, but I have,” said Rama
“You have?!” said the soldiers.
“Yes,” said Rama
“Once while travelling I chanced upon a large tent
I entered and there, lying on a mat was the largest man I had ever seen.
I recognised him at once as a dreaded dacoit who had been terrorising that part of the country for years!”
“What did you do?” asked the soldiers, their interest now fully aroused.
“I cut off his toe and ran for dear life,” said Rama.
“His toe?” said a soldier.
“Why toe? You should have cut off his head while you had the chance!”
“Somebody had already done that,” said Rama, grinning.
The Dog, The Rooster And The Fox
The Sufi master Shams Tabrizi’s disciples
12.
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.
But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.
The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says, “Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
A dog and a cat were having an argument
A pretty girl Walking up to a department store
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.
But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.
The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says, “Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
A dog and a cat were having an argument
A pretty girl Walking up to a department store
13.
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
“Listen to this,” she said.
“There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Absolutely not,” he said.
“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”
“Season’s more than half over,” he said.
A man in a bar sees a friend
A man was being interviewed for a job
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine.
Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
“Listen to this,” she said.
“There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Absolutely not,” he said.
“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”
“Season’s more than half over,” he said.
A man in a bar sees a friend
A man was being interviewed for a job
14.
The help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.
All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby again
Once more, she says, “Not yet!”
Finally they ask, “When the heck can we see the baby?”
And the mother says, “When the baby cries!”
“Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
Mom says, “Because I forgot where I put it!”
A mother and a baby camel were talking
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons
The help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.
All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby again
Once more, she says, “Not yet!”
Finally they ask, “When the heck can we see the baby?”
And the mother says, “When the baby cries!”
“Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
Mom says, “Because I forgot where I put it!”
A mother and a baby camel were talking
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons
15.
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.
Dr: I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Patient: I guess the bad news.
Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there’s nothing else we can do. I’m sorry.
Patient: (starts crying).
Dr: Now, now I know you’re upset but remember, I also said there was good news.
Patient: Yes, I need some good news what is it?
Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna.
Patient: (cheering up) Yes?
Dr: You know, the one with the big fronts?
Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes.
Dr: You know the one that’s always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?
Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes what about her?
Dr: I finally had make love with her last night.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer
A man walks into a butcher shop
A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.
Dr: I’ve got good new and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Patient: I guess the bad news.
Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there’s nothing else we can do. I’m sorry.
Patient: (starts crying).
Dr: Now, now I know you’re upset but remember, I also said there was good news.
Patient: Yes, I need some good news what is it?
Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna.
Patient: (cheering up) Yes?
Dr: You know, the one with the big fronts?
Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes.
Dr: You know the one that’s always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?
Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes what about her?
Dr: I finally had make love with her last night.
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer
A man walks into a butcher shop
16.
A woman meets with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend.
They make love for hours.
Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone suddenly rings.
Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.
The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called…”
“Really? That’s wonderful…”
“Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time…”
“Oh, that sounds terrific… Love you too.”
“OK. Bye-bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks: “Who was THAT?”
“Oh,” she replies, “That was just my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
A guy dials his home phone from work
A dentist was getting ready to clean
A woman meets with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend.
They make love for hours.
Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone suddenly rings.
Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.
The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called…”
“Really? That’s wonderful…”
“Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time…”
“Oh, that sounds terrific… Love you too.”
“OK. Bye-bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks: “Who was THAT?”
“Oh,” she replies, “That was just my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”
A guy dials his home phone from work
A dentist was getting ready to clean
17.
“Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she said.
A little girl raised her hand.
“I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some children’s stories could become, asked the little girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
“That must have been scary,” said the teacher.
“It sure was,” said the little girl.
“My kitty raised her back and went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff!’.”
The boy working in that department
A young man was getting ready to graduate college
“Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she said.
A little girl raised her hand.
“I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some children’s stories could become, asked the little girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
“That must have been scary,” said the teacher.
“It sure was,” said the little girl.
“My kitty raised her back and went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff!’.”
The boy working in that department
A young man was getting ready to graduate college
18.
Anant went to his friend’s house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night.
His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said,
“You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”
Anant said that he would prefer the floor.
The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blonde.
“Hi,” he said, “Who are you?” “I’m Baby, and who are you?” “I’m stupid,” he said
Tim, Tom, and Teddy were all lost
Two boys go into a forest
Anant went to his friend’s house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night.
His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said,
“You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”
Anant said that he would prefer the floor.
The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blonde.
“Hi,” he said, “Who are you?” “I’m Baby, and who are you?” “I’m stupid,” he said
Tim, Tom, and Teddy were all lost
Two boys go into a forest
19.
Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “yes, would you like some?”
The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.”
She said, “my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this!
A horse a cow and a chicken live on a farm
Two old women were sitting on a bench
Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “yes, would you like some?”
The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.”
She said, “my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this!
A horse a cow and a chicken live on a farm
Two old women were sitting on a bench
20.
Cinderella was now old, and was granted three wishes by the Fairy mother.
Cinderella happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”
The fairy godmother replied, “Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: “The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”
The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: “You have one more wish; what shall it be?”
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, “I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, “Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.
He held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…
“I bet now you’re sorry you had me castrated.”
Bill Gates goes to purgatory
A hot air balloon
Cinderella was now old, and was granted three wishes by the Fairy mother.
Cinderella happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”
The fairy godmother replied, “Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: “The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”
The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?”
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: “You have one more wish; what shall it be?”
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, “I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, “Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.
He held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…
“I bet now you’re sorry you had me castrated.”
Bill Gates goes to purgatory
A hot air balloon
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21.
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s resume and then asked him a few questions.
The interview was going well until the interviewer asked, “So if you are on a moving train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
The man thought about it for a second and responded, “Well, I would open the window.”
“Amazing!” exclaimed the interviewer and asked, “Let’s say the train is traveling at 100 miles per hour, and the window is 1.25 sq ft. How much air would enter your cabin in a minute?”
The man thought about the equation for a while, tried to answer it but failed. So he was rejected and returned to the waiting room and his friend in despair.
He quickly told his friend about the interviewer’s question so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
The second friend was called into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed his resume and began with a few mundane questions before asking, “If you are a train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
“Uh, well,” the friend stumbled on the question, “I would take my jacket off, of course.”
The interviewer responded, “Well, what if it was still too hot?”
“I would take off my shirt!” exclaimed the friend.
The interview then asks again, “What if it is still too hot, even without a jacket and your shirt?”
The man then said, “I would take off all my clothes, but I would not open the window!”
One night a blonde nun was praying
Two blonde girls walk into a store
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s resume and then asked him a few questions.
The interview was going well until the interviewer asked, “So if you are on a moving train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
The man thought about it for a second and responded, “Well, I would open the window.”
“Amazing!” exclaimed the interviewer and asked, “Let’s say the train is traveling at 100 miles per hour, and the window is 1.25 sq ft. How much air would enter your cabin in a minute?”
The man thought about the equation for a while, tried to answer it but failed. So he was rejected and returned to the waiting room and his friend in despair.
He quickly told his friend about the interviewer’s question so he wouldn’t suffer the same fate.
The second friend was called into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed his resume and began with a few mundane questions before asking, “If you are a train and it was very hot, what would you do?”
“Uh, well,” the friend stumbled on the question, “I would take my jacket off, of course.”
The interviewer responded, “Well, what if it was still too hot?”
“I would take off my shirt!” exclaimed the friend.
The interview then asks again, “What if it is still too hot, even without a jacket and your shirt?”
The man then said, “I would take off all my clothes, but I would not open the window!”
One night a blonde nun was praying
Two blonde girls walk into a store
22.
One night a little girl walks in on her parents room while they doing romance.
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about this so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face,
“Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner
A little boy walks in on his parents
One night a little girl walks in on her parents room while they doing romance.
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about this so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face,
“Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies “Because mommy, every time you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner
A little boy walks in on his parents
23.
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.
As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”
Next they passed the House of Parliament started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.
The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
The man asked the doctor
Two blondes were working on a house
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry.
As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”
Next they passed the House of Parliament started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.
The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
The man asked the doctor
Two blondes were working on a house
24.
An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband.
“I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
A woman decides to prove her intelligence
After the wedding he lays down the law
An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband.
“I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
A woman decides to prove her intelligence
After the wedding he lays down the law
25.
One day two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14 came home with a 20 and 50 euro note.
Their mother asked them where they got all that money.
“Well, we were standing outside the night house when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old.
“We told him we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.”
“Then we followed the man,” said the other boy, “and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.”
“That’s a truly awful behavior,” the mother replied.
“You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession.”
The boys did what they were told and went to church to confess to the priest.
After a while they came back with 100 euros because now they now knew where the man worked.
Little Jenny walked into the kitchen
A woman woke in the middle of the night
One day two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14 came home with a 20 and 50 euro note.
Their mother asked them where they got all that money.
“Well, we were standing outside the night house when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old.
“We told him we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything and gave us 20 euros.”
“Then we followed the man,” said the other boy, “and when he came to his house we told him that now we also knew where he lived. Then he gave us another 50 euros and begged us to keep quiet.”
“That’s a truly awful behavior,” the mother replied.
“You really should be ashamed of yourselves and feel sorry for the man. Off you go to confession.”
The boys did what they were told and went to church to confess to the priest.
After a while they came back with 100 euros because now they now knew where the man worked.
Little Jenny walked into the kitchen
A woman woke in the middle of the night
26.
Three guys were walking through the desert.
All of them were thirsty, tired, and hot.
All of the sudden, one shouts that he sees a broken down car not too far ahead of them.
All three men race to the car and the first guy pops the hood and grabs the radiator.
“Whenever I get thirsty,” he tells the other two, “I’ll just take a sip from this.”
The second man runs and pulls a seat from the front and proudly declares, “whenever I get too tired, I’ll just throw this on the ground and sit on it.”
With some effort, the third guy pulls the car’s door right off and begins to carry it with him.
The other two guys, confused, asked him, “What are you going to do with that?”
The third guy replied: “If I get too hot, I’ll just roll down the window.”
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary
A man was driving down highway
Three guys were walking through the desert.
All of them were thirsty, tired, and hot.
All of the sudden, one shouts that he sees a broken down car not too far ahead of them.
All three men race to the car and the first guy pops the hood and grabs the radiator.
“Whenever I get thirsty,” he tells the other two, “I’ll just take a sip from this.”
The second man runs and pulls a seat from the front and proudly declares, “whenever I get too tired, I’ll just throw this on the ground and sit on it.”
With some effort, the third guy pulls the car’s door right off and begins to carry it with him.
The other two guys, confused, asked him, “What are you going to do with that?”
The third guy replied: “If I get too hot, I’ll just roll down the window.”
Mrs. Jennings began each vocabulary
A man was driving down highway
27.
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second guy smiles and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer
Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it
It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the guy replied.
“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
A Irishman walks into a bar
Three Kids Are Arguing About
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well… uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second guy smiles and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer
Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it
It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the guy replied.
“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
A Irishman walks into a bar
Three Kids Are Arguing About
28.
Two Hillbillies sitting in a Diner having a bite to eat.
After the meal they start to discuss their plans to expand the family moonshine business.
All of a sudden, the woman on the table next to theirs starts to cough.
It’s going on for a while, so Billy-Bob walks over and asks ‘kin ye swalla..?’
the woman shakes her head..
‘Kin ye breeve?’
as she turns a shade of blue, the woman shakes her head again
Without a seconds thought Billy-Bob lifts her dress, pulls her p**ties down and gives a long wet lick to her right b*m cheek.
So shocked by this the woman’s body shuddered with disgust and the blockage cleared with a jolt.
Billy-bob walks back to his table, Billy-Ray turns in amazement… ‘I done did hear about that Hind Lick Maneuver, but i didn’t see it be done before!’
A plane crashes
A woman was having a daytime affair
Two Hillbillies sitting in a Diner having a bite to eat.
After the meal they start to discuss their plans to expand the family moonshine business.
All of a sudden, the woman on the table next to theirs starts to cough.
It’s going on for a while, so Billy-Bob walks over and asks ‘kin ye swalla..?’
the woman shakes her head..
‘Kin ye breeve?’
as she turns a shade of blue, the woman shakes her head again
Without a seconds thought Billy-Bob lifts her dress, pulls her p**ties down and gives a long wet lick to her right b*m cheek.
So shocked by this the woman’s body shuddered with disgust and the blockage cleared with a jolt.
Billy-bob walks back to his table, Billy-Ray turns in amazement… ‘I done did hear about that Hind Lick Maneuver, but i didn’t see it be done before!’
A plane crashes
A woman was having a daytime affair
29.
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says: “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man: “How long have I got?”
“You have 10,” the doctor says sadly.
“What do you mean, 10?” the man asks: “10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
“Nine, eight….”
A lady walks into the drug store
A blonde was driving down the road
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says: “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man: “How long have I got?”
“You have 10,” the doctor says sadly.
“What do you mean, 10?” the man asks: “10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
“Nine, eight….”
A lady walks into the drug store
A blonde was driving down the road
30.
If you let me touch your wife’s bum and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she got more angry at him to deny such an offer.
She says, “you can stand right there with us, he is not gonna make love me.
I mean $100,000 for touching and smacking my bum is worth it, we can buy hell lot of stuff”.
The husband agrees and calls his friend over the next day to touch and smack his wife’s bum.
Everyone is in the room now, the wife comes over, removes her skirt and his friend starts touching and feeling his wife’s bum.
Two minutes passed and he is still touching and feeling it.
The husband got angry and screamed, “yo idiot, smack the bum now, enough”
The friend replied, “how can I smack dude, I don’t have $100,000.
Grandpa what is couple
A woman meets a man in a bar
If you let me touch your wife’s bum and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she got more angry at him to deny such an offer.
She says, “you can stand right there with us, he is not gonna make love me.
I mean $100,000 for touching and smacking my bum is worth it, we can buy hell lot of stuff”.
The husband agrees and calls his friend over the next day to touch and smack his wife’s bum.
Everyone is in the room now, the wife comes over, removes her skirt and his friend starts touching and feeling his wife’s bum.
Two minutes passed and he is still touching and feeling it.
The husband got angry and screamed, “yo idiot, smack the bum now, enough”
The friend replied, “how can I smack dude, I don’t have $100,000.
Grandpa what is couple
A woman meets a man in a bar
Tags:
eng jokes