1.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
2.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
3.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
4.
“It ain't my fault this time, Miss RussellYou can blame this ‘un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years.Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger wh
“It ain't my fault this time, Miss RussellYou can blame this ‘un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years.Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger wh
5.
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
6.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
7.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
8.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor.
The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Do
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor.
The nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Do
9.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
10.
One day a lion was sleeping in front of its cave.At that time a little mouse playing nearby by chance ran over the lion's body.Lion woke with very angry and start searching for who disturbed the sleep.He found the little mouse nearby and said, “How dare y
One day a lion was sleeping in front of its cave.At that time a little mouse playing nearby by chance ran over the lion's body.Lion woke with very angry and start searching for who disturbed the sleep.He found the little mouse nearby and said, “How dare y
11.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
12.
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway,
runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, “Morris, pack your bags. …. I won the lottery!
The husband says, ‘Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mou
13.
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students…“Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroomMichael?”Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”T
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students…“Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroomMichael?”Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”T
14.
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
15.
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at wor
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at wor
16.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
17.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officerwho was also a blonde.The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.What does it look l
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officerwho was also a blonde.The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.What does it look l
18.
A very poor man lived with his wife whose hair was very long.One day the wife asked her husband to buy her a comb for her long hair so that it can continue to grow well and to be well groomed.The man felt sorry and said he didn't have money even to fix th
A very poor man lived with his wife whose hair was very long.One day the wife asked her husband to buy her a comb for her long hair so that it can continue to grow well and to be well groomed.The man felt sorry and said he didn't have money even to fix th
19.
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
20.
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint t
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint t
21.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
22.
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m.I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and s
23.
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
The Birthday SurpriseDuring lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”He then blindfolded me and led me
24.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
25.
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
26.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
27.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
28.
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
29.
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What'll you have?”The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That'll be five dollars.”“What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this,” the ma
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What'll you have?”The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.”The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That'll be five dollars.”“What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this,” the ma
30.
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
Two unemployed guys are talking.
One says: “I’m going to become a lion-tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roar
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