1.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow.'The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the d
2.
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
3.
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,
“What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he doesn
A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,
“What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says.
While he doesn
4.
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady came over and said.
“Son, don’t you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?”
“My grandfather lived t
5.
At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could.A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line.
At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could.A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line.
6.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
7.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claimThis was the response:“I put ‘poor planning' as the cause of my accidentI am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot tower.When I
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claimThis was the response:“I put ‘poor planning' as the cause of my accidentI am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot tower.When I
8.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and sh
9.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
10.
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
11.
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
12.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
13.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
14.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
15.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
16.
There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a
There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a
17.
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
18.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean
19.
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
20.
Suddenly, the captain announces over the public address system, “Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to say that I have some bad news. Our engines are malfunctioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we
Suddenly, the captain announces over the public address system, “Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to say that I have some bad news. Our engines are malfunctioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we
21.
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
22.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
23.
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly.
Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others.
I have
24.
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
25.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I
26.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
27.
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.“My what big eyes you have, MrWolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.The surprised wolf jumps up and runs awayFurther down the road Little Red Riding Ho
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.“My what big eyes you have, MrWolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.The surprised wolf jumps up and runs awayFurther down the road Little Red Riding Ho
28.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
29.
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
30.
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.“The sand traps seem to be bigger
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.“The sand traps seem to be bigger
إرسال تعليق