1.
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan,
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan,
2.
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood.Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks.So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism.Finally, after many threats
3.
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
4.
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
5.
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
6.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher“Walking is esp
The Lamaze class was in full swing.The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher“Walking is esp
7.
One day a hare met a tortoiseShe made fun of slow pace of the tortoise and said,“You have as many legs as I have but I am sure, you cannot run as fast as I canMost probably you can't run at all”.The tortoise became very angryHe answered quietly, “You can
One day a hare met a tortoiseShe made fun of slow pace of the tortoise and said,“You have as many legs as I have but I am sure, you cannot run as fast as I canMost probably you can't run at all”.The tortoise became very angryHe answered quietly, “You can
8.
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
– Hello! Gordon's pizza?– No sir it's Google's pizza.– So it's a wrong number?– No sir, Google bought it.– OKTake my order please..– Well sir, you want the usual?– The usual? You know me?– According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizz
9.
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
10.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
11.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
12.
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
13.
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up.One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.The circus owner told them, “I'm not going to sugar-coat itThis is one ferocio
A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people showed up.One was a good-looking lad in his mid-twenties, and the other was a gorgeous blonde about the same age.The circus owner told them, “I'm not going to sugar-coat itThis is one ferocio
14.
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went
15.
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
16.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke downDo you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The n
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke downDo you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The n
17.
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull:
“Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agre
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull:
“Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agre
18.
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
19.
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
20.
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.At the first house a
21.
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.“Get him! Get him!” shouted “No!” s
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.“Get him! Get him!” shouted “No!” s
22.
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
23.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
24.
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
25.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
26.
A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”
She looked at him,
A business man got on an elevator in a building.
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).”
She looked at him,
27.
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
28.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
29.
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
After a preacher dies and goes to Heaven, he notices that a New York cab driver has been awarded a higher place.“I don't understand,” he complains to Saint Peter“I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”“Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results,
30.
An elderly couple talk in the evening:“Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”“And that helps?”“Yes, because I'm using your too
An elderly couple talk in the evening:“Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”“And that helps?”“Yes, because I'm using your too
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