These Jokes Are So Funny, You’ll Want to Read Them Again 04

1.



There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns
Jones came into the office an hour late

2.



One day, a young guy and a young girl fell in love.
But the guy came from a poor family.
The girl’s parents weren’t too happy.
So the young man decided not only to court the girl but to court her parents as well.
In time, the parents saw that he was a good man and was worthy of their daughter’s hand.
But there was another problem: The man was a soldier soon, war broke out and he was being sent overseas for a year.
The week before he left, the man knelt on his knee and asked his lady love,
“Will you marry me?” She wiped her tears and said “Yes” and they were engaged.
They agreed that when he got back in one year, they would get married.
But tragedy struck a few days after he left, the girl had a major vehicular accident it was a head-on collision.
When she woke up in the hospital, she saw her father and mother crying Immediately, she knew there was something wrong.
She later found out that she suffered brain injury.
The part of her brain that controlled her face muscles was damaged her once lovely face was now disfigured.
She cried as she saw herself in the mirror.
“Yesterday, I was beautiful today, I’m a monster.”
Her body was also covered with so many ugly wounds.
Right there and then, she decided to release her fiance from their promise.
She knew he wouldn’t want her anymore.
She would forget about him and never see him again.
For one year, the soldier wrote many letters—but she wouldn’t answer.
He phoned her many times but she wouldn’t return her calls.
But after one year, the mother walked into her room and announced, “He’s back from the war.”
The girl shouted, “No! Please don’t tell him about me don’t tell him I’m here!”
The mother said, “He’s getting married,” and handed her a wedding invitation.
The girl’s heart sank she knew she still loved him—but she had to forget him now with great sadness, she opened the wedding invitation and then she saw her name on it!
Confused, she asked, “What is this?”
That was when the young man entered her room with a bouquet of flowers.
He knelt beside her and asked, “Will you marry me?”
The girl covered her face with her hands and said, “I’m ugly!”
The man said, “Without your permission, your mother sent me your photos when I saw your photos, I realized that nothing has changed you’re still the person I fell in love you’re still as beautiful as ever because I love you!”
A Man And His Wife Go On A Date
A Amish boy and his father

3.



A man goes into a coffee shop and says, “I would like one of your special breakfasts.”
“No problem,” comes the reply from behind the counter.
“But I want it my way,” says the man.
“What do you mean ‘your way’?” asks the waiter.
The man says, “Well, I want the eggs only half done,” he says.
“I want the baked beans done so they are baking hot on the top and freezing cold on the bottom. I want the bacon stuck to the plate with grease, with more rind than actual bacon. I want fried bread so greasy that the grease pours out of it.”
“I don’t have the time to do all that!” replies the waiter.
“Well it seemed you had the time yesterday!” answers the guest.
A man walks into a bar already drunk
The math teacher was giving a lesson

4.



Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.
“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”
“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock down the hole.
They waited and waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.
“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon sized stone down the hole.
They waited a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either.
So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole.
Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mine shaft.
While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.
Yeah, just now, said one of the first two guys. It just ran up and jumped down this hole.
“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy.
“My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.”
A new captain becomes leader of a company
Three contractors were submitting estimates

5.



Two elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over a dozen years.
One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, but after all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.”
The older friend stares at her and then says, “How soon do you have to know?”
You sink your teeth into a steak
A city park stood two statues

6.



Four-year old Johnny was curious about her mother’s grey hairs.
One day, he asked her, “Mommy, why is some of your hair turning grey?”
The mother seized the opportunity to give him a life lesson.
She replied, “You see, Johnny, every time a baby does something naughty, one of Mommy’s hair strand turns to grey.”
Johnny replied, “So that’s why grandmother has a head full of grey hair.”
Mr. Smith is reading his morning paper
A man came home from the mine

7.



A man died and went to straight down to hell.
The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place.
He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man could”t even breathe.
He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.
The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured.
It looked so painful the man could not watch.
He told the devil he definitely did”t want that room, and they moved on.
The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing.
The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.
The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat.
He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice.
After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, “Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!”
He starts dialing numbers on his hand
Three men are playing golf

8.



A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear.
He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him.
After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it.
You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll do you in the bum.”
The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad.
He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest.
He sees the same bear, aims, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “You know what to do.”
Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town, and buys a bazooka. Now he’s really mad.
He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.
The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back.
When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says, “You’re not doing this for the hunting, are you?”
Dan was a single guy living at home
A Irish man went to the courthouse

9.



I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino’s car parking facility
Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to car as about to get in after leaving the casino.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their melons almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts.
It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say
“No” and instead ask you for a ride to another car parking facility in the city.
You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they start make love with each other.
Then, one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs make love on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday… Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.
Doctor I’m having difficulty falling pregnant
Cop knocks on the window

10.



One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.
He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.
The director discovered from the CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.
The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?”
The youth answered “none”.
The director asked, “Was it your father who paid for your school fees?”
The youth answered, “My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.
The director asked, “Where did your mother work?”
The youth answered, “My mother worked as clothes cleaner.
The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.
The director asked, “Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?”
The youth answered, “Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books.
Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.
The director said, “I have a request when you go back today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.”
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high.
When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands.
His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly his tear fell as he did that it was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands.
Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.
This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee.
The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother’s hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.The next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.
The late king of a known Kingdom
The story of one 10-year-old boy

11.



Two women go out one night without their husbands.
They go to a bar, have a chat along with a couple of drinks and then head back home.
On the way home one of them turns to the other and says:
“Sorry, but I need to go to a toilet. Can we stop for a minute?”
The other looks at her and replies “I also have to go there, but where can we go in the middle of the street?”
“Oh, look, there is a cemetery over there we can go there.”
“Yes, but how are we going to wipe?”
“I’m just going to use my underwear and throw it out.”
Her friend however, was wearing her favorite and rather expensive knickers and didn’t want to ruin them.
So she elected to take a wreath off a nearby grave and use that.
And so they went home.
The next day the husband of one was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was hungover and still in bed, so he phoned the other.
“Do you know where our wives went last night? Because mine came back home with no underwear.”
“Well you are luckier than me, my wife came home with a ribbon in her bum and on the ribbon it was written: ‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.’”
Little Johnny went to his father
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room

12.



A man walks out onto a busy New York City street and happens to catch a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabby says, “Wow, perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
The passenger looks confused, and asks, “Who..??”
The cabby says, “Frank Feldman..!!”
He explains, “He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like when I came along just when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
The passenger remarked, “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
“Not Frank Feldman.” The cabby said with gusto.
He clarified, “Frank Feldmans was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
The passenger said, “Sounds like he was really something special.”
The cabby replied, “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.”
The cabby kept going, “He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman – he could do everything right.”
The passenger was amazed, “Wow, what a guy!”
The cabby continued, “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.”
The cabby concluded: “He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
Passenger: “How did you meet him?”
Cabby: “I never actually met frank. He died and I married his wife.”
A doctor goes out and buys the best car
A burglar is stalking stealthily around

13.



A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late.
When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened.
I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly
I saw a young, undressed woman tied up next to the tracks.
Of course I untied her and we had making love because I freed her.”
The friends are cheering and one friend asks,
“So… did you get any head?”
The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it
A man walks into a pharmacy
Teacher asks what is love

14.



Three ex-pats are drinking in a NY city bar.
“As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a bar called McTavish’s. The landlord there goes out of his way with the locals. When you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth.”
“Well Angus,” said the Englishman.
“At my local pub in London, The Red Lion, the barman will buy your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothing’,” said the Irishman.
“Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you step foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another. In fact all the drinks you like. Then, when you’ve had enough to drink, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house.”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claim.
“Did this actually happen to you?” they asked.
“Not myself personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to my sister quite a few times.”
Two Blondes living in Kansas
A old lady went to the doctor

15.



Cassan Said Amer tells a story about a lecturer who began a seminar holding up a one dollar bill, and asking:
Who wants this dollar bill?
Several hands went up, but the lecturer said: before handing it over, there’s something I must do.
He furiously crushed it, and asked again: who still wants this bill?
The hands continued raised and what if I do this?
He threw it against the wall, letting it fall to the floor, kicked it, stamped in it and again held up the bill – all dirty and crumpled.
He repeated the question, and the hands continued to be held high.
You mustn’t ever forget this scene – said the lecturer no matter what I do with this money, it’ll still be a one dollar bill.
“Many times in our lives, we are crushed, stamped on, kicked, maltreated, offended; however, in spite of this, we are still worth the same.”
A young man from the city
The Lion & Mouse

16.



A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said,
“I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why do you want to talk to me?” she asked puzzled.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Did anything happen today
Dylan was practicing his golf swing

17.



One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson.
The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?”
Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.”
The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says,
“They are very fashionable.” The teacher says,
“Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.”
Johnny thinks for a moment and then says,
“Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate
Man looks at his friend
A priest is walking down the river

18.



Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone.
“Okay,” says the first, “I’ve never told anybody I’m a gay!”
The second confesses, “I’m having an affair with my boss’s wife.”
The third, Moishe, begins, “I don’t know how to tell you…”
“Don’t be shy,” the two friends said.
“Well,” says Moishe, “I can’t keep secrets.”
A blonde and lawyer are play a game
I need your help

19.



A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary.
I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar!
You’ve been playing golf!”
The groom approaches the pastor
Three women are about to be executed for crimes

20.



An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure.
The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance.
He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.
Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles.
Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course.
The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.
The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today.
I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!”
The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747’s collide!”
A horse and a goat
After swearing loyalty to the Captain

21.



On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone.
“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded,
“You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“No,” replied the trainee.
“It’s the Managing Director of the company, idiot!”
The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who You are talking to, you idiot?”
“No!” replied the Managing Director indignantly.
“Thank god for that!” replied the trainee and slammed down the phone.
Johnny was sitting in class
The captain saw a pirate ship

22.



A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb over the meat.
“Are you crazy?” yells the customer.
“What’s with your hand on my steak?”
“Sorry,” answers the waiter, “I don’t want it to fall on the floor again.”
A woman was getting calls from strangers
He rubs it and a Genie emerges

23.



Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying “Disney World Left!”
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said “Oh well!” and started driving back home.
A man walked into the office of an psychiatrist
A famous doctor was being interviewed

24.



Teacher: “Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?”
Students: “Eggs!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?”
Students: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Students: “Homework!”
A young man was sitting in his office
A teacher asked her students

25.



Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by Little Johnny’s house on her way home.
She wanted to discuss his poor performance directly with his parents:
When she rang the doorbell, Johnny answered.
“Hello Johnny, I’d like to talk to your mother or father.” She said.
“Sorry. but they ain’t here.” He replied.
She said. “what is it with your grammar?”
“Haven’t got a clue,” Johnny replied.
“But dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!”
A man was sick and tired
A professor of chemistry

26.



A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane.
The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave.
The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear.
She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the co-pilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat.
The co-pilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
little Timmy made a wish that Santa
The Christmas carol performance

27.



One evening a husband and wife were in bed.
The husband was reading a book, and the wife was watching TV.
The husband reaches over and puts his hand in his wife’s undergarment then withdraws his hand.
The wife was surprised by this and thought perhaps her husband was in the mood for a little love.
A short time later the husband again reaches into his wife’s undergarment then withdraws his hand.
Now the wife is almost sure that her husband is in the mood.
She decides to wait for him to touch her a third time and then she will know for sure.
The husband repeats the same move again.
She leaves the bed, removes her clothes, and returns ready for lovemaking.
Her husband, still reading his book, is surprised when she says, “Dear, I’m all ready!”
The husband asks, “For what?
She says, “Well, for make love, dear! You’ve fingered me three times in the last 5 minutes, and now I’m ready!”
The husband replies, “Huh? lovemaking?? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages of my book.”
A teacher is teaching a class
A mother took 6-year-old son

28.



Nasreddin Hodja, having need for a large cooking container, borrowed his neighbor’s copper cauldron, then returned it in a timely manner.
“What is this?” asked his neighbor upon examining the returned cauldron.
“There is a small pot inside my cauldron.”
“Oh,” responded the Hodja.
“While it was in my care your cauldron gave birth to a little one because you are the owner of the mother cauldron, it is only right that you should keep its baby and in any event, it would not be right to separate the child from its mother at such a young age.”
The neighbor, thinking that the Hodja had gone quite mad, did not argue.
Whatever had caused the crazy man to come up with this explanation, the neighbor had a nice little pot, and it had cost him nothing.
Some time later the Hodja asked to borrow the cauldron again.
“Why not?” thought the neighbor to himself.
“Perhaps there will be another little pot inside when he returns it.”
But this time the Hodja did not return the cauldron.
After many days had passed, the neighbor went to the Hodja and asked for the return of the borrowed cauldron.
“My dear friend,” replied the Hodja.
“I have bad news
Your cauldron has died, and is now in her grave.”
“What are you saying?” shouted the neighbor a cauldron does not live, and it cannot die return it to me at once!”
“One moment!” answered the Hodja.
“This is the same cauldron that but a short time ago gave birth to a child, a child that is still in your possession if a cauldron can give birth to a child, then it also can die.”
And the neighbor never again saw his cauldron.
A teacher in New York
The best positions for prayer

29.



A rabbit hops into a pub and asks the bartender, “Could I get a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?”
The bartender is taken aback but serves the rabbit his order.
The rabbit enjoys his beer, devours the toastie, and then leaves.
The next night, the rabbit returns and once again requests a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Word has spread, and the pub is buzzing with curious patrons.
The bartender serves the rabbit, who eats and drinks before heading out.
By the third night, the pub is packed to the brim. As the rabbit walks in and orders his usual, the crowd falls silent in anticipation.
The bartender hands over the pint and toastie, and the room erupts in applause as the rabbit finishes his meal and exits.
On the fourth night, there’s standing room only. People have travelled from far and wide just to witness this unusual guest.
The bartender is making more money in a week than he did all of last year.
But when the rabbit walks in and asks for his usual, the bartender’s face falls.
“I’m sorry, my friend,” he says, “but we’re all out of Ham and Cheese Toasties.”
The rabbit looks shocked, and the pub goes so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
The bartender nervously offers, “But we do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie. I promise you’ll love it.”
The rabbit eyes him carefully. “Are you sure?” he asks.
With a grin, the bartender replies, “I wouldn’t steer you wrong. Trust me, you’ll love it.”
“Alright,” says the rabbit, “I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.”
The pub bursts into cheers as the rabbit enjoys his meal, waves to the crowd, and leaves… never to return.
A year later, the pub is in decline.
The bartender, who has only served a handful of drinks that night—most of them to himself—calls last orders.
As he’s cleaning up, he notices a small white figure hovering above the bar.
“Who are you?” he asks.
“I’m the ghost of the rabbit who used to visit your pub,” comes the reply.
The bartender’s eyes widen. “I remember you! You made this place famous. Every night, you’d come in for a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. People came from miles around just to see you.”
“Yes,” the rabbit says. “But I also remember that last night when you ran out of Ham and Cheese Toasties. You gave me a Cheese and Onion Toastie instead.”
“That’s right,” the bartender recalls. “But then you never came back. What happened?”
“I died,” says the rabbit.
The bartender gasps. “No! How?”
The rabbit pauses before replying, “Mixin’ me toasties.”
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday
Johnny was talking to a couple of boys

30.



A man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico, and spends his day roaming around, taking in the sights.
In the evening he goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
As he sits there sipping his tequila, he notices that the couple at the table next to him are being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle.
When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish.
The waiter replied, “Ah, Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning a real delicacy!”
The Texan said, “Well, what the heck, bring me an order.”
The waiter replied, “I am so sorry, Senor there is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning if you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.”
The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.”
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si, Senor sometimes the bull wins.”
Shortly after British Airways 293 flight
A leper goes to watch a baseball game