1.
Back in the old Wild West, there were two stupid scoundrels, Jeff and Dave.
One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and sa
Back in the old Wild West, there were two stupid scoundrels, Jeff and Dave.
One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and sa
2.
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter.
He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves.
Johnny’s
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter.
He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their galoshes and gloves.
Johnny’s
3.
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
4.
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“Because it gets late early.” (On why it’s so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
“If the people don
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
“Because it gets late early.” (On why it’s so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
“If the people don
5.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
6.
A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.
A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says “How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person?”
The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde j
A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.
A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says “How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person?”
The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde j
7.
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about lifeIn-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.I told her, “Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally depende
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about lifeIn-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.I told her, “Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally depende
8.
After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria,The three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady.One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman's expense and, nudging one of his
After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria,The three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady.One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman's expense and, nudging one of his
9.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
10.
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
11.
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
… when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman cou
12.
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
13.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
14.
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit
15.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind himThe waitress asks them for their orders.The truckie says, ‘A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, ‘What's yours?' ‘I'll have the same,' says the emu.A short time l
16.
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.
“We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“T
17.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
A man returns home a day early from a business trip.It's after midnightWhile en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.For $100, the cabby agrees.Quietly arr
18.
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
19.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roadsLuckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dob
20.
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party…After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest roomThose who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joyHe started working at a succe
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party…After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest roomThose who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joyHe started working at a succe
21.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
22.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
23.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
24.
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
25.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
26.
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
27.
She's looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.“I'd recommend this right here, ma'amIt's new to the market.”“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.“It's dam fish, ma'am.”The pastors wife abruptly says“How dare y
She's looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.“I'd recommend this right here, ma'amIt's new to the market.”“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.“It's dam fish, ma'am.”The pastors wife abruptly says“How dare y
28.
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
29.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
30.
When God created the dog, he said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a lifespan of twenty years.
” The dog replied: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten y
When God created the dog, he said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
For this, I will give you a lifespan of twenty years.
” The dog replied: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten y
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