1.
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
2.
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
3.
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & beautiful young woman entered.She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked di
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & beautiful young woman entered.She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked di
4.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
5.
There was an old man who had a dream one night that he would be protected from a ravaging storm that would engulf his whole village.The next day, as expected, a terrible storm came to his region.The first day a neighbor of his offered help for him to flee
There was an old man who had a dream one night that he would be protected from a ravaging storm that would engulf his whole village.The next day, as expected, a terrible storm came to his region.The first day a neighbor of his offered help for him to flee
6.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin' just fine!'And the other
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin' just fine!'And the other
7.
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was.
The girl’s teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home whe
Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying because her first period had started and she had no idea what it was.
The girl’s teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggested Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home whe
8.
Three old women die and go to heaven.
When they reach the gates of heaven St. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter.
Then he asks them which one wants to go first.
The oldest of the three say I will go first and set an exa
Three old women die and go to heaven.
When they reach the gates of heaven St. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter.
Then he asks them which one wants to go first.
The oldest of the three say I will go first and set an exa
9.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
10.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
11.
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first h
12.
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in the 1940s,She read an adver
13.
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
14.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
15.
Nasreddin Hodja was boasting about the power of his faith.“If your faith is so strong, then pray for that mountain to come to you,” said a skeptic, pointing to a mountain in the distance.Nasreddin Hodja prayed fervently, but the mountain did not move.He p
Nasreddin Hodja was boasting about the power of his faith.“If your faith is so strong, then pray for that mountain to come to you,” said a skeptic, pointing to a mountain in the distance.Nasreddin Hodja prayed fervently, but the mountain did not move.He p
16.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
17.
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
Four men went golfing one dayThree of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the billThe three men started talking and bragging about their sonsThe first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he i
18.
The head monk said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.”The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said,“What are your two words?””Food cold!”the man replied.Three more years went by
The head monk said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.”The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said,“What are your two words?””Food cold!”the man replied.Three more years went by
19.
67 Year Old Lady Gets Visited By A Jehova's WitnessAn older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a
67 Year Old Lady Gets Visited By A Jehova's WitnessAn older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a
20.
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
21.
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye
22.
So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son's lan
So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PISS!”Well, needless to say, the mother is mortified at her son's lan
23.
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes.His boss asked what happened.The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church.When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack,so I pulled it out.She turned arou
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes.His boss asked what happened.The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church.When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack,so I pulled it out.She turned arou
24.
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left.However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New Yor
25.
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
26.
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice w
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice w
27.
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
Q: There are 500 bricks on a planeOne falls offHow many are left?A: 499Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?A: Open door, take
28.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
29.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
30.
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the pries
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the pries
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