1.
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
A clergyman awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.So, he called the sanitation department, the health department, and several other agencies, but no one seemed able t
2.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don’t do the following,
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don’t do the following,
3.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
4.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
5.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
6.
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call,
They stop at a gun shop to get all the gear they will need. The clerk helping them out decided to have a little fun with the newbies.CLERK: Best way to hunt a moose is in one of these female moose costumes. You both get in it, make a moose mating call,
7.
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had shared everything.They had talked about everything.They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
8.
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two ho
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two ho
9.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
10.
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
11.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”
Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”
Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”
Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”
Salesman: “Do you think
12.
A man and his mother-in-law went to Jerusalem and while they were there the mother-in-law passes away.The priest says to the man, “for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried.The man replies, “Oh I will
A man and his mother-in-law went to Jerusalem and while they were there the mother-in-law passes away.The priest says to the man, “for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried.The man replies, “Oh I will
13.
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
14.
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years,
they always left the lights off when having fun.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big di*do on her.
All these years she had no clu
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years,
they always left the lights off when having fun.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big di*do on her.
All these years she had no clu
15.
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.The Jewis
16.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
17.
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
18.
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.Finally, the trooper got around to writing out
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.Finally, the trooper got around to writing out
19.
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
20.
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the [email protected] movie channel:He looked at her and asked“Do you think we can still do that?” “Well, we can sure try!” She answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the [email protected] movie channel:He looked at her and asked“Do you think we can still do that?” “Well, we can sure try!” She answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went
21.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
22.
They decide to meet for tea and discuss their lives.The first older lady starts telling the second about all the wonderful things her husband has done for her over her life. “See this big ol' ring right here on my finger? My husband bought me that, beca
They decide to meet for tea and discuss their lives.The first older lady starts telling the second about all the wonderful things her husband has done for her over her life. “See this big ol' ring right here on my finger? My husband bought me that, beca
23.
An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment to discuss
An older lady was doing some household chores on a beautiful Sunday morning, when she suddenly heard the doorbell ring.She opened the door to see a well dressed man standing there who said, “Hello, I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment to discuss
24.
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
25.
A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had manhood 24 inches long.
When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around their shaft and on the other end is a weight.
After a while, the weight s
A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had manhood 24 inches long.
When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around their shaft and on the other end is a weight.
After a while, the weight s
26.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
27.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. “Wh
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. “Wh
28.
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
29.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still aliveTrump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:370HSSV – 0773HTrump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to h
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still aliveTrump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:370HSSV – 0773HTrump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to h
30.
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
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