1.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
2.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.
He really wanted to impress everyone
He opened his new law office, but busin
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.
He really wanted to impress everyone
He opened his new law office, but busin
3.
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:“What would you like, sir?”
He l
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:“What would you like, sir?”
He l
4.
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
5.
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
I got the craving for a McDonald's Big Mac about a week ago and went to our local McDonald's drive-through.The girl who took my order at the window was, much to my surprise, wearing a full-on black BurqaThe only thing I could see of her was her eyesI went
6.
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its topA blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don't have a ladder.”The woman took a wrench from her purse
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its topA blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.“We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don't have a ladder.”The woman took a wrench from her purse
7.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
8.
A newly married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them.
The husband lifted his wife and let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do
A newly married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them.
The husband lifted his wife and let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do
9.
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
10.
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
11.
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
12.
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”Officer: “Okay, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a high
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”Officer: “Okay, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a high
13.
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 betThe bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze one more drop
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 betThe bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze one more drop
14.
The emperor holds a competition to find the best Samurai in the worldSo he sent his men around the world, and they came back with three potential options: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai and a Jewish samurai.The emperor held tryouts to see which was
The emperor holds a competition to find the best Samurai in the worldSo he sent his men around the world, and they came back with three potential options: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai and a Jewish samurai.The emperor held tryouts to see which was
15.
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
16.
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhe
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhe
17.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
18.
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
19.
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon.When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages.One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon.When the school-teacher chided
20.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
21.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
22.
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”“Here is the problem, I bought myself a ne
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”“Here is the problem, I bought myself a ne
23.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
24.
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
Three recent college graduates are sitting next to each other on a plane.
The one in the middle turns to the one on the left and engages him in a conversation.
“What did you study in college?”
“I studied theology,” he replied. “After graduating,
25.
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
26.
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
A deeply religious Rabbi lived happily with his family, an admirable woman and two dear sons.One time, he had to be away from home for several days due to workWhen he was away, a serious car accident killed his two boys.Alone, the mother suffered in silen
27.
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
28.
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
29.
A farmer from the cotton fields of Central Texas dies and goes to hellWhy? Well, only his wife, God and the Devil knows!Once there, the Devil notices that this farmer is not suffering like the rest there areHe checks his gauges and sees that it's 95 degre
A farmer from the cotton fields of Central Texas dies and goes to hellWhy? Well, only his wife, God and the Devil knows!Once there, the Devil notices that this farmer is not suffering like the rest there areHe checks his gauges and sees that it's 95 degre
30.
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions,
When it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to
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