1.
Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.The camel's died.'Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.'The farmer sa
Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.The camel's died.'Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.'The farmer sa
2.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
3.
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.
” The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and ha
4.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
5.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at th
6.
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
7.
An old man was at home on his death bed.
Suddenly he smelt something amazing.
It was the beautiful aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.
With his last strength, he got out of bed and staggered to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years,
An old man was at home on his death bed.
Suddenly he smelt something amazing.
It was the beautiful aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.
With his last strength, he got out of bed and staggered to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years,
8.
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
9.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and th
10.
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
11.
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.He had the manager try them on.She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead.When the g
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves.He had the manager try them on.She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up.When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead.When the g
12.
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.He accelerated and passed the chicken.Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph.The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road
A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.He accelerated and passed the chicken.Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph.The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road
13.
It started to snowThe first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.It looked like a Grandma Moses print So romantic we felt like newlyweds againI love s
It started to snowThe first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.It looked like a Grandma Moses print So romantic we felt like newlyweds againI love s
14.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.I finally
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.I finally
15.
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
16.
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
17.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
18.
Nasreddin Hodja was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.The creditor said to the judge:“This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue.I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay.”“I
Nasreddin Hodja was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.The creditor said to the judge:“This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue.I request your excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay.”“I
19.
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
20.
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches.
When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to ano
21.
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
22.
One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room.The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”“I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous,” the second boy says.The first kid
One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room.The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”“I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous,” the second boy says.The first kid
23.
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
24.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
25.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
26.
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
27.
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
28.
The Father said, “Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye MrsDonovan? And didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?”She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”The
The Father said, “Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye MrsDonovan? And didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?”She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”The
29.
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.
A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs.
After talkin
30.
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
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