1.
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head.He then followed me into my house, slowly walked d
2.
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
3.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
4.
Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor:
His wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
The next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.
He prays that they would not have a fight
Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor:
His wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
The next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.
He prays that they would not have a fight
5.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
6.
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
7.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
8.
So a truck driver is driving through the country when he sees a penguin in the middle of the road.He pulls over and looks around, but can't see anyone.So he picks up the penguin, puts him in the cab of his truck, and continues on his way.A couple of miles
So a truck driver is driving through the country when he sees a penguin in the middle of the road.He pulls over and looks around, but can't see anyone.So he picks up the penguin, puts him in the cab of his truck, and continues on his way.A couple of miles
9.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
10.
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
The old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.”The old lady wanted to know why.The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “T
11.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
12.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
13.
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
14.
Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:“Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.I know you're about my ageHow do you feel?”Slim says, “I feel just
Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:“Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.I know you're about my ageHow do you feel?”Slim says, “I feel just
15.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
16.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turnWhen he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint
17.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.
The wife decided
18.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
19.
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:“Before you leave, I want you to hear how thi
20.
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation.When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace.When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”To that she replies “Well, come here an
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation.When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace.When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”To that she replies “Well, come here an
21.
At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could.A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line.
At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could.A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line.
22.
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
23.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
24.
Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life.
Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.
“Ahh,” he thought, “here is a life free from distracti
Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life.
Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.
“Ahh,” he thought, “here is a life free from distracti
25.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
26.
On a warm evening, a man walks into a bar one night.
He goes up to the cheerful-looking bartender and asks for his favourite premium beer.
“Certainly, sir. That’ll be 1 cent.”
“One single penny?!” exclaimed the man.
The barman replied,
“Yes
On a warm evening, a man walks into a bar one night.
He goes up to the cheerful-looking bartender and asks for his favourite premium beer.
“Certainly, sir. That’ll be 1 cent.”
“One single penny?!” exclaimed the man.
The barman replied,
“Yes
27.
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it.
While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time.
The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends
A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it.
While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time.
The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends
28.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnantNot wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the childIf she stayed in Italy to raise the
29.
Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but he then saw that there were 3 men breaking into his garage.He called the police and said, “Get over here quickly, there's 3 burglars trying to break into my garage on Maple Drive!”The dispatcher r
Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but he then saw that there were 3 men breaking into his garage.He called the police and said, “Get over here quickly, there's 3 burglars trying to break into my garage on Maple Drive!”The dispatcher r
30.
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked. The man replied, “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most e
Post a Comment